So as I sit here eating my frozen food for breakfast, and kicking myself in the rear because I know it is too carby, yet it is what I have and what is quick and easy to eat at work, I wonder....how can I eat more healthy on a super pared down budget?

Right now I am dreaming of buying yerba mate tea (as they say caffeine may affect a person's adrenals), some yummy healthy fruit bars that are made of just dates and nuts and are gluten free, and wondering about what to cook for dinner.

I really want to fill my refrigerator with fruits and veggies and bean dishes, and see how long I can go without meat (eggs and dairy are ok). I invision myself sleeping at home and slowly detoxing all of the junk food and refined carbs out of my system, and taking it easy while my body adjusts to more raw fruits and veggies, as well as cooked veggies and whatnot. I really hope I can do this....perhaps I will make some fruit salads and try to find filling veggie dishes online. My main issue is feeling constantly hungry and that is why for me, volume per serving and price per serving is a bit issue. Hmmm....I think I will go back to having cut up apples for breakfast.

It will be hot today and I am thinking of what to make for dinner for my bf. He will be home late, and since I don't have a working microwave, it will be hard for him to reheat the dinner I may make. I am leaning towards splurging, and spending 10 bucks on some nice latin food, as I am not sure he wants to eat cold chicken and rice. He also worries about waking me up if he tries to make himself something to eat when he gets home. I am also not keen on the idea of buying sandwich stuff for him, because, well, he has been eating a lot of sandwiches (with the white bread! no fiber!), and I don't think that is healthy....I know, I know....I tend to worry more about others than my own self as I just pigged out on a flour laden tortilla breakfast.

Hmmmm......I am not feeling so stressed, and am just trying to think how I am going to make things work out okay. I want to be able to visit my family who live about an hour or more away, but if I am watching every cent, I may not be able to due to gas costs and the cost of eating out with them.

Hmmmm.....what are your thoughts?

Well, after doing some calculations, it appears that the reduction in my earnings may be around $200-$250 per month....which, is still pretty significant....but if my bf pays for the food, and I maybe cut out some things, then I can make ends meet. I am now worried about much the health insurance will increase....that is the part that can determine if I will have to get a part-time job in addition to my full-time job.

I bought some trader joes roast beef hash in a pouch last week and yum! I cooked it and some eggs and voila! I am full and it was a cheap dinner...hash always fills me up. Probably too much salt, though.

I did good and skipped my trip to Walmart for some stuff for my car...I felt good about that as I realized that the temptation to buy stuff at Walmart would be too great. And by stuff I don't mean clothes or electronics, I mean primarily food stuff and snack food that I really don't need, but when stressed, tend to pig out on. So, I skipped Walmart and was able to buy my car stuff directly from the dealer and it was cheaper than I thought! I also feel good about the fact that I am learning more about doing some maintenance and I hope that it keeps her running smooth.

I did good and though I was tempted, I avoided the sugary drinks and went with a sugar free drink. Yay!!

There used to be this magazine from New York that I loved called STRESS. It was a hot word at that time, and I am not sure if the magazine is still in print. In any case, it reflects how I am currently feeling.

I woke up very tired this morning and blue, and I really, really, just wanted to crawl under the covers and watch talk shows and I would say have cereal, but I am out of cereal and milk.

Things are busy here, so I didn't feel right about calling in, though I am feeling quite blue.

I am going to buy some maintenance stuff for my car and try to do some of the maintenance myself until I can get her into the shop. Sigh. My bf is paying me back some money he owes me, but because of his income and his responsibilities, he can only pay me back half at a time, which is a bit tempting to me, because I will have this money in hand, and though I may need it for stuff like food or gas, I will just have to hold onto it to combine it with the 2nd half and put some or all of it towards car maintenance.

If I did decide to give up my car, it would only save me less than 50 bucks a month. But considering the extra buses I would be taking, and those days when I am so tired or my grocery bags or so much that I have to catch a cab, then it won't really be much of a savings.

Feeling a little bit funky and looking forward to going home and laying down and getting some rest.

Things feel very different economically now, even though I know things were worse when I was younger.

When I was younger, I didn't have money, but I didn't have bills, either. So, when I had money, it was time for fun and needed toiletries and skin care stuff. I would buy a used book and have a lunch as a way to relax and pamper myself.

Some years ago, when money was tight, it was tight, but I had a credit card I could use for the occasional meal out, or used book, etc.

Now, I rarely eat out (when i do, it is usually fast food or someone else is buying it for me), I feel stressed about money a lot, my food choices are made more by my budget than what I really want to eat, and I end up feeling anxious a bit....I know that things are not bad for me. I have a roof over my head and food in my stomach and a good job, so I should stop worrying. I just feel more anxious now because much of the credit I have available has a very high interest rate, I have very little savings and i want to reserve it for paying rent, and I am like counting out every single amount...from how many miles I can get per gallon, to how much my necessary toiletries cost and where I can get them cheaper, and just really being fastidious about certain items. Sometimes, when I feel this way, I just want to relax. I want to have a leisurely day where I don't have to worry about a chore that needs to be done. I want to relax like I did years ago where I would make a day of just driving and window shopping and having a nice breakfast or lunch on the open road.

I remember this place I used to go to that had the best scrambled eggs....I haven't been there in ages, and primarily because a breakfast is like 7 or 8 bucks.

I know that during this time I just have to relax and accept that things may not be comfortable for a while. It is just hard for me to be relaxed right now. Right now I want to window shop and try to relax and not always be counting out every cent. I also want to work on how I relate to my friends...when I am in a situation where I am counting out every cent almost, then I don't understand friends that splurge on clothes, or say they are dealing with money issues, but still buy designer duds. And yeah, of course I realize that I am in this predicament because I overspent in prior years, and didn't watch my spending on food, etc.

So today I felt good this morning cause I saved money on parking yesterday, which allowed me to have more money to spend on food for this week.

Well, the supermarket had a sale on boneless skinless chicken breasts for less than 2 bucks a pound, so i bought two packs...which was more than I anticipated buying. so the chicken will be for dinner and I needed to think of food for lunch at work, so I bought some processed microwave food. I felt bad about it, but at least it is vegetarian.

I also did good and avoided my favorite iced tea and soda. I was soooo fiending for it today. I wish I knew now how much my check will be cut so I can start budgeting accordingly. I am going to try and do my tax calculations on line so I can get an idea of how much less my paycheck will be.

I learned that a lot of my fun is centered around things that cost money! I like to window shop, and not necessarily shop, but that costs money in gas and sometimes parking and of course, coffee drinks (and my coffee drinks are less than 3 bucks!). I like buying household cleaning items, but that will be budgeted even more as well.

I really worried a bit right now....I want to avoid missing any bill payments, and I want to keep my credit rating improving. And, finding a part-time job is kind of difficult right now...many places are offering part-time work, but not in the hours I can work...which would be primarily only on the weekends.

So, I will admit that last night I came home super duper stressed out. I even contemplated having a glass of wine, but decided against it. Why waste a perfectly good bottle of wine? (I usually have one glass, and the wine goes bad before I can finish the bottle).

So, I avoided my desire to go and buy the cheap 1.68 super bag of chips at the cheap super market, and the cheap 2.50 ice cream bars, and instead just drove straight home after work. I decided to heat up some left overs, have a bowl of cereal, and even some fresh corn, and after it all, I was full and the cravings for chips and ice cream vanished, and I didn't spend any extra money.

My loved one listened to me yesterday as I talked about potentially being $400 (to maybe even $600!) short from my paychecks per month for the next year. Nope, NOT good at all! I am hoping that if the medical expenses are increased, that we at least have the option to opt out and go to a lower medical insurance provider. I will miss my docs and my super good health insurance, but what can you do?

Breakfast today was the leftovers made on Tuesday. Filling, but I am not sure the food would have lasted longer. I gave my bf chicken I made for him on Thursday, and some other frozen chicken and rice.

It is a weird situation at times because he wants me to not give him so much food and just accept that he has to do things on his own, even if that means going hungry. But he is also going through so much right now that I know he could benefit from the food. My friend gave me money for giving her a ride, and since I had budgeted out my expenses, I was able to give my bf some money for food and transportation. I know he needs the help, and I also know that he may at times be upset that I am helping him, and he always wants to help me more. I have a hard time asking him for help, and I know I need to work on that.

I am trying to think positively about this situation. Maybe I will be able to eat more veggies on a limited budget. I am really forcing myself to not go the easy route of cheap processed foods, and still try and maintain healthy foods for super cheap. I am really going to try to keep eating whole, complete foods, and avoiding processed foods. Maybe this will help to also improve my health if I am eating a more veggie diet? I hope my body agrees with that.

And what do I do about visiting my family? I don't want to not be able to visit with them because of gas costs...which, it is really upsetting that gas is now over 3 dollars a gallon.

Simple things keep me happy. I am going to focus on trying to stay happy right now. All you can do is just get through it, ya know?

I can't believe that I totally spaced on this blog! I have had more hits on this blog than on my myspace blog...which to think of, I haven't visited or posted on in quite some time.

Well, things are pretty stressful here at the moment. I am facing a 8% paycut, which, with my tight budget is a bit much, plus my boyfriend is dealing with a terminal illness in his family and I am helping him through that experience...which is a very hard one, for anyone who has ever gone through that, plus I am working on my health and the prospect of getting a 2nd job makes me a bit tired, but I am going to see what I can do.

I am not sure what I can really cut back on, ya know? I don't buy a whole lot to begin with, (a nice iced espresso on the weekends is QUITE the luxury), and I don't really have much emergency savings to go into. I am tempted to go into my retirement fund, but I know that isn't a good idea.

I just am not sure what to do, other than to keep on keeping on, ya know? I really want to work on my mood, because I know when I am stressed about money and worried about homelessness, my lens doesn't have always the nicest viewpoint. So I am going to work on that as well.

I hope you all are doing well and I look forward to hearing your comments.