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Money, Love, and Babies

August 23rd, 2009 at 09:52 pm

So, this past week was definitely a stressful one to put it mildly.

I finally got my car fixed and I am SOOO happy about that. Having a car is a really big piece of freedom in so many ways---I would not be able to save money on groceries and necessities if I did not have a car that allowed me to get from place to place.

My boyfriend and I are doing better. We still love each other and that is the important thing, and we are still helping each other and I think we will decide later if we want to get married or if we will be better as friends, ya know?

My friend is pregnant with her 2nd baby, and I am very happy for her, and also a bit sad for myself. I know that I am not ready to have a kid right now because 1) money issues, and 2) I want to be healthier before I get pregnant so I can have a better pregnancy and reduce the risk of complications and 3) I am not married and my boyfriend isn't ready for children right now. So, those are 3 really big reasons to not have a child now. But as I am creeping towards 35, I am getting really scared.

Sometimes I feel that my life is sooooo.....un-normal. Not abnormal, just not average or your run of the mill background, ya know? And while I think everything I have experienced only helps to make me a better person, I really worry if I will have a chance at being normal. I really want to just be married, have kids, and cook and take care of my family. That is normal for me, and I sometimes just don't understand it when i see other people who are maybe a bit superficial, etc., have these "normal" lives. Sometimes it just seems that things come easier for them, and when you take the fact that they aren't always the nicest people, or the most hardworking, it is a little saddening.

So, there are times when I feel a bit close to tears about the baby thing. I have a couple of years before I hit the 35, but still, I am beginning to be worried.

This week will be busy, so I am trying to focus on getting most of my cleaning done today so I can relax a bit more this week after work.

My savings is as low as it have ever been since my early 20s, and at times i am so sad I just have to laugh cause there isn't much I can do. I have been looking for part-time work, and with about 13% unemployment in my state, it is hard to find part-time work. People think it is easy, but really, it is more difficult than ever before.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

2 Responses to “Money, Love, and Babies”

  1. dmontngrey Says:
    August 24th, 2009 at 05:31 pm 1251135091
    1251135091

    Wow, I can relate to a lot of what you said! Sounds like we're around the same age and dealing with a lot of the same issues. I just can't seem to get my act together and it seems like everyone else can somehow. Everyone around us is having kids and they make it look so EASY! I AM married and we both want kids, just can't seem to get to that point in our lives. Part of the problem is DH's ADD. Most people don't understand ADD - it's much more than just an inability to pay attention. The stress it puts on the non-ADD spouse is just insane. I know this plays a big part in the way things are with us and I honestly don't know if we'll ever get our act together. It's sad when you're stuck in the "Some day when we....." mode all the time. Yeah, I'm not getting any younger myself.

  2. whitestripe Says:
    August 26th, 2009 at 03:44 am 1251258257
    1251258257

    oh, i am sorry you are going through this, and feeling this way, it breaks my heart Frown. my stepmum really wanted a child with my dad, and it took them years to finally concieve, i know it put a lot of stress on them both. she was the same as you, put it off because of money/health/relationship reasons. she finally fell pregnant at 39 with a baby girl, my little sister (who is now 11 turning 12). so i hope that gives you a bit of hope - i know it is not ideal to have a child so late, but it CAN be done, and she is a very cherished little girl. because of where they are financially, they are able to spend a lot of time with her as well, and my stepmum was able to work from home since my little sister was born.

    one thing though: you don't HAVE to be married to have a child Smile
    i hope you feel a little better about things, it's not a nice situation to be in but i hope you can make the best of it.

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