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Maybe I Can Do This Afterall....

September 15th, 2009 at 05:36 pm

This week I experimented with cooking, and low and behold, I have a new, healthy, yummy dish that I could eat most days of the week and not be bored. I am really happy about that because it has been so easy for me to turn to fast food or highly processed food when short on time, simply because I don't know how to cook the healthy things I need to eat.

I have also had a strong craving for beans....so I am hoping that my growing love of beans and my improving cooking skills will help me to stay on track with my diet AND keep my monthly budget low.

Of course I am worried about when the paycheck will be lower. So far, based upon my estimates, if I cut out my food budget, I should only be about 30 bucks or so short per month. This is where I am hoping that my bf can help me. Also, since I will have a major bill paid off by December, that will free up about $180 bucks in my budget, and hopefully I will not be significantly short any funds.

It will suck in a way because such things as coffee will truly be a luxury---unless I budget that half of my food budget goes to coffee---which, sadly, could be an option as I love my coffee, but am not able to brew super strong espresso at home. Frown

Things w/ my bf are good, and yet, I am sad. I think we are both aware of the growing reality that we are sooooo very different that we barely have similar things to discuss, and when we do talk about things, we are often at the opposite ends of the spectrum. He has stated that he isn't sure what he wants in his life right now, and that while he is happy to have me as his gf, he feels like he hasn't been very much like a bf lately. I will have to talk to him to get a better understanding of what he meant. I think he meant that because we have almost stopped dating, that while we love and care for each other, it doesn't feel like your average bf/gf relationship, ya know? We love and care for each other, and most of our time together is spent doing errands or chores for his family. When he comes home, he is ready to relax and destress, and I am on my way to sleep---so we don't get to talk much, and/or he is tired and not in the mood to talk. Frown

It is weird because while we both are accepting the fact that we are different, this is also a bad time for both of us to break up. This also makes a weird situation in that while I know my bf may not be the person I am meant to marry (this could change), that I am a bit more worried about him being into other people---people that he may have more in common with mentally and personality wise. It is an odd situation---both of us don't want to break up. I sort of feel like I want to be with him during this hard time with his parent's illness. I also know that after the illness, there is the big possibility that my bf may go off to do something different with his life as right now his life is primarily working to take care of his parents and family, or doing chores and errands for his family, and he has very little time for anything else.

We have agreed that no matter what, we will always love and care for each other. Maybe we will turn out to be great friends, if not great partners.


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