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Escapism

September 26th, 2009 at 05:58 pm

Escapism is a common thing that I think many of us do. What each person considers a form of escapism, is subjective, and unique.

For me, I started my foray into escapism as a teen. I had a loved one whom was dying, and there was very little medical help that could be done. So, all we could do, to be blunt, was try to go through the motions as my loved one got sicker and sicker.

This made me not want to be home, since our place was so small that if I were studying or doing homework, I would be face to face with my loved one. Not a bad thing, but when a person is sick and you want time to yourself to choke back a tear or something, there simply wasn't any room for that. So, I often escaped to different parts of my city----I would scrounge local used book stores and splurge on cheap lunch plates. It was all I could do I felt, at that time, to try to relieve stress.

Before my loved one's illness, I was able to escape into my school work and excel. But his illness was a bit too much for me to deal with and be able to think clearly in school.

I have found that as I get older, I have escaped into different things...sometimes it would be getting a new hobby, or going on vacation.

Since my money is tight, I am escaping into visiting parts of my city that I used to frequent when I was younger. My city is a good city, I just hate that it is slowly losing what made it so wonderful in the first place.

I walked around this morning and it was nice and relaxing. It wasn't super cheap, as I didn't follow my budget and bought some pastries that were not on my "to buy" list. But it was nice, and only like an hour.

On a different tangent, how does one not appear broke in a large group? I recently had a situation where everyone else in the group ordered a meal, and I ordered one of the cheapest things on the menu, and it sort of looked awkward, but I don't think anyone cared. I do remember feeling really......upset. I felt embarrassed, and angry at myself because I am responsible for my budget problems.

I have been thinking about my boyfriend lately. We haven't seen much of each other lately because of his family situation. He is really going through a lot.

I wonder if we can get back to normal? I really do think that I have been trying to be helpful and supportive for a majority of our relationship. I do admit that I have not asked my bf for as much help as I should have, and I think that, at times, has made him feel bad. It was not my intention to do so, I just felt he wasn't in a position to help. I think our power dynamics and roles got really screwed up (yeah, I know, I am very pro-woman, and I am also very pro stay at home mom, as well).

I really hope that we can get back on track as well and that our relationship will be able to get better. I sort of feel like our relationship shifted too much, which may have been appropriate given the circumstances, to just a lot of help and assistance, and very little dating or couple time.

I am really hoping that my budget will be better next month. I am anxiously awaiting the 1st, and I hope that thing will be okay.

3 Responses to “Escapism”

  1. LuxLiving Says:

    Glad you got out - it's been sounding like you needed a break!

    On the BF front - (Warning _ broad painted stereotypes forthcoming) I know you've been trying to help, but remember that MOST men like to be the ones solving YOUR problems and things we women do to help sometimes end up emasculating them.

    What would happen if you took the very best care of YOU that you can, and when he's around try to be in supportive girlfriend mode (meaning you help him get his mind off his troubles by doing something fun (yet inexpensive together) rather than saviour mode where you're trying to help him fix his troubles?

    (Sorry, I do tend to the run on sentence!)

    No really good answer on how not to appear broke in a crowd - order a small dinner salad & water and call it a diet? I probably would try to get out of going entirely if possible.

    Speaking of the first coming up, do you have a spending plan in place for your upcoming bills? If not here, then over on the Saving Advice forums is a really good place to get some good advice on how to allocate your dollars to make them stretch to cover your needs and a few of your wants. Disneysteve is especially good at seeing where you might be able to make some 'shifts' that would help your money last longer!

    Pre-planning where our money goes is what got us out of debt! So, I know that it works. Hope you have a good weekend!

    You sound in a better frame of mind than you have been! Smile Chin up - being aware that there are problems is the first step to getting them squared away.

  2. ceejay74 Says:

    I know what you mean about feeling a bit broke when everyone else orders what they want. Our budget has been on a major diet since early 2007, and I still feel our friends exchange glances when we're working out the bill and each paying with our own cash, while our friends just pick up their share as a couple and just broadly estimate what they owe and put it on one of their cards. And it can be slightly embarrassing. But you know what I tell myself? Well first, as you said, we got ourselves into this financial situation, so we've got to be responsible at all costs. Plus, the separate-spending-money thing really works for our household, so who cares if it takes a couple more minutes? Paying with cash is a great thing, and knowing exactly how much to pay is so important to all of us to continue learning our financial lessons.

  3. baselle Says:

    I've felt cheap in a crowd a lot. Its stressful because you really aren't in control. (All that has to happen is for the crowd to pick a restaurant out of your budget.) Hate to say it, but the only solution that's worked for me to avoid the crowd. If its a weekly or on a consistent schedule, begging off every other time might help you regain your control a bit.

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