During these times it can be so easy to lose your perspective on things. Cutting out something like your morning coffee can seem like a deprivation, when for many people, any type of food or drink is a welcome event.

I have found that I have to work very hard on keeping my perspective on things. It is very easy for me to get sidetracked by things someone said or did that upset me, or wether or not people are judging me by my clothes, or by a comment that someone made in passing that they don't understand is very hurtful or makes me feel low. I have to work hard at not getting pulled into that sort of maelstrom. I think that focusing on things like my health, clutter, etc., helps to take my mind off of those energy sapping topics and focus it on something more important and more productive.

I have been thinking a lot about my bf and my perspective on everything he has been going through. I cannot go into a lot of detail, but from our conversations I can see that he is having a really hard time with things. I do wish at times that his family wouldn't put so much pressure on him. But, I am not in a position to say anything, and when I have said things, it made my bf upset. I think it is one of those things where you just have to help your family, and that is your obligation, and you may not want to hear advice from people who have been in the same situation. I went through something similar with my family, and I had to change my patterns with them on my own. No one (at the time of the issues) could dissuade me. I eventually just reached a point where I realized that I could do all I could do, and my family would have to understand that. Of course, the situation w/ my bf is very different, and I have got to keep reminding myself of the shear emotional aspect of it all. He is going through some very rough times, plus he is working hard at his job (he doesn't just stay at home all day), and I think he is tired alot of the time. I also have to step back and think that as much as I get frustrated by the things his family requests, he is probably moreso frustrated as he hears it directly from them on a consistent basis.

I am going to try to relax this month, and rather than jump to conclusions, I will just wait. I feel partly bad asking for things when I know all of the things that have been coming up (and they are real necessities---I feel bad that just when it seems like my bf may have some money or time for himself, up comes something else that needs to get done or paid for). I also realize that what I am asking for is not a lot, and really just helps both him and me out.

I am also going to change up my cooking a bit, and really focus on getting foods that are best for my diet. I have gained some weight in the past couple of months, and I am really upset about that (I have 2 new pairs of pants that I cannot wear!!!). So, I will need to find a way to have meals that do address my dietary needs, and also provide nourishment for my bf. I may opt to cook less during the week. I am going to work on that part.

Thank you everybody for your continued support. I feel like I am a geyser of emotions at times, and it is hard to kind of empty all of this out to friends, cause they are probably stressed as well.