So, I had a recent situation where a person really tried to make me feel unaccomplished. Mind you, I am the first in my family to go to college, my family is proud of that, and all things considering, I have turned out a lot better than some people, looking back all those years, may have possibly assumed from my upbringing.

But, this person, who I don't really know outside of certain situations, made a really serious attempt to treat me as inferior because I did not have the degree that they have. And you know what? I did end up feeling bad and unaccomplished and insecure. I ended up feeling bad about myself and upset at the person for making me feel that way. I realize that they just brought back previous negative interactions we had had where they had put me in a place of having limited information and where I had to constantly ask them for help (even though I should have been able to ask someone else who was more of the correct person to talk to), and it made me feel inferior. I also realized that I allowed them to make me feel this way.

I realized from this experience that I have so much to be thankful for, and while I am not the most accomplished person, I am doing good in my life and each person has their own successes at their own pace. I realized that I shouldn't have let that person ruffle my feathers and I also realize that if I had not felt inferior, I would have been more open, and would have discussed certain things (advanced degrees cost money). But because they spoke in a way and were open about having a lot of cash, I did not feel comfortable disclosing more about how I felt or my thoughts about it.

My budget is going ok. I have been bad in that I have been eating out more and I need to slow down on that. Tonight I am making my breakfast and lunch for work.

I worry a lot about my bf. He is really stressed and seems very sad about his family situation. I feel bad because at times he felt I was critical (I thought I was being helpful), and so he doesn't feel very comfortable necessarily opening up and talking to me about the family situation. He tells me it is hard to talk about. I also feel bad because it really is a hard situation, and his family has to work it out, but he is the one that is being hurt by it emotionally, ya know? I feel so bad because I don't know how to help or how to fix it, and I don't know how to cheer him up. He spent time with me recently, but we have been spending a lot less time together. He says he hasn't been much in the mood for any kind of celebration type activities, and I am not sure that he could get any time off to relax if he asked as he is really busy at work.

I have been trying to keep focused on not being stressed and also trying to eat somewhat healthy. I have plenty of food in my fridge and am not so stressed about food and that feels good. Of course, I realize that my stresses about food probably sound very elitist at times. I have never gone hungry, and really, maybe only had less healthy food options, but I have been blessed to always have enough to eat. I realize that I am very fortunate.

With my budget, I realize that I really need to work on it more. I realize that the stress from some family issues and my bf and feeling insecure, just made me want to over eat or buy silly stuff that isn't really needed or important. I also realized that I had set some money aside, and had somehow forgotten about it. I can't tell you when I set this money aside (not this month), so I am wondering how bad my budgeting was that I was short, but didn't automatically remember about the money I had set aside. Sigh. I am going to do better about that and get my budgeting better under control.

thank you everybody for listening to the little random thoughts that are my life thus far. I do realize that we are constantly learning beings.