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Babies Fever aka The Musings of being in my 30s

May 12th, 2009 at 03:07 am

So, here I am...still in my early 30s, and contemplating my baby making factory abilities. I worry...When will I have kids? When will I be able to have kids? When will I be financially stable enough to have kids? What if I am not able to?

Part of me is kicking myself in the rear...why didn't I think ahead? Why didn't I start saving for being a mom years and year and years ago?!?! What about health and all of that?

I am working on my health so I can have children. I acknowledge that I have been saying that for a while...and at my age I have to do it rather than just say it again and again. My primary goal is to be a healthy mom so my future kids can have me around for a long time.

Yes, I want plural. I want 3 or more. Yes, I know they are expensive. But if I can manage the shelter, improve my cooking of healthy foods, and health insurance, I can make everything else work. Smile I grew up poor....and some of the best times in my life were just regular sit down dinners at home...this was of course before things got hectic...but that is another story for another time.

I worry about the money aspect of having children. For some reason today, I got filled with a bit of fear...how much is insurance for a kid? Will I have enough for braces (yeah, I had bad teeth as a youth---they are much better now!), omg! I know that rationally if I just keep truckin along, my debt will be paid by the time I plan on starting a family. I still get scared though, to be honest. I don't want to not have children. I know that my self-worth isn't dependent upon being married or having kids, but for me, in how I view myself, I really, really, really want to be a mom. I want to be a healthy mom (making ants on a log for my kids---with all natural peanut butter of course, none of that sugar added stuff!), a mom with a lot of energy, a mom who is able to play an active and happy role in the lives of her children.

I live in an expensive city and so, owning a home seems still like a faraway dream. But, my goal is to have a home by the time I am 40.

My bf. He is a good man, and we have discussed children, and have agreed that now is not the right time. I wouldn't want to have a child at this time in my life...I want to have more flexibility and surplus spending money in my budget---diapers cost money...cute little stuff monkeys with hats and jackets cost money, you get the drift. He also has his own responsibilities, and I think we would have to discuss things more and work on a budget or spending plan so that there isn't much friction regarding finances---I am more strict, he is more relaxed, and as such, we usually cause each other a bit of stress when discussing money.

I did good today---no stopping at a store or drive thru for anything. I came straight home and had a yummy dinner of cereal and it was pretty good. I am taking vitamins that my doctor suggested, and just focusing on losing more weight. Right now I am about 16-17lbs away from my 2nd weightloss goal. I am very excited about that as I haven't weighed that much in over 2 years. Smile

I know that people say there isn't any good time to have a baby...and I wonder...for those with debt, or not much surplus cash---how did you do it?




6 Responses to “Babies Fever aka The Musings of being in my 30s”

  1. whitestripe Says:

    i understand how you feel. i'm 21 and babies have been constantly at the back of my mind for years. that could be a bad thing if i was irresponsible - but i am not. i don't intend to have children now, but if it happened accidently i would be able to cope. i just know that having children is something that i want to do in my life. i think it's good to recognise that.

    the thing is, people make it work. you might have to sacrifice things but in the end it all works out.

    you can't look back and say 'i wish i'd done this or that' - you are wasting your time NOW thinking about things you could have done THEN. focus on what you need to do now to achieve what you want Smile

  2. KikiKayB Says:

    I enjoy your Blog! I am in only my mid-20's, but have baby fever bad! My husband and I are struggling with the years ahead of paying off debt, and when the right time will be. A large family is very importaant to us.

    I would love to see others somments, but for some reason, I never can under your blog. With your background black, the comment box is white, and so is the commenters text! I'm not sure if others can or not.

  3. merch Says:

    There are always excuses not to have children. And I don't mean that as a flip comment. It takes 10 months to have a baby and probably a few more months of trying. So, you are talking over a year. A year is a great time to get yourself in better financial shape. Really budgeting and reducing your debt and trying to make it on one salary.

    For most people, you get your insurance via work and move to a family plan might be another $100 a month or so. When my second son was born he had some issues and I had over $40k in medical expenses (out of pocket). I basically was honest and proactive with the hospital. I set up a payment plan with them and really focused on the budget and paid them off within a year.

    The biggest hit is that my wife stays at home so we have had to really focus on the budget. I think that after you are married, you should focus on living on one income, cleaning up any debt, saving a big EF, and enjoy the ride.

  4. simpleyme Says:

    you sound like you will be a great mother we had kids when we were young and poor the kids do not even remember not having money ;-)

  5. ceejay74 Says:

    I was in almost exactly the same boat! As soon as my little household got settled down, I started having baby urges--bad! We held off because we wanted a honeymoon phase, but mostly we held off because we were in so much debt. At first I wasn't going to start trying until my credit card debt was all gone. But I am in my mid-30s, and then our income went down, so I've just gone off the birth control now. I feel good because we live within our means, we're still paying off debt (albeit much slower), and we're not quite month-to-month (I know how we could get along for a few months if all jobs were lost). By the time I get pregnant, as merch says, we should be in even better shape--bigger emergency fund, less credit card debt--and by the time I give birth, we'll be better off still. As long as you have a routine and trust that you can stay on track and continue improving your situation while you try, I think it's OK to start whenever (granted, as long as your boyfriend is on the same page).

  6. ceejay74 Says:

    PS: I would change the color of your format--a lot of people haven't figured out that highlighting the text makes it show up, and they're missing out on reading other people's comments!

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