So, last night I felt like I had this wave of encouragement and enthusiasm wash over me. I was still feeling pretty upset about my recent photos---I look so unhealthy that if I could, I would just jet away to a far off land, drink tons of cucumber water, do the sauna, take long walks, and just get some much needed R&R while avoiding all matter of processed foods.

But, since that doesn't appear likely, I will have to just try and do the same thing on a much smaller scale.

I don't have much money left over for food, but I feel that with what I have in the freezer and pantry, and the food my boyfriend has been bringing home, things will be ok.

I worry alot about my bf and me. I feel torn a lot because I know he is going through so much and needs a lot of support, and I should be patient. On the other hand, I feel that we are becomming more distant and more like friends as time goes on. He says things that makes me think he wants to be with me for the long haul, but I am not sure. Maybe a vacation will be good for the both of us? It is so hard to explain when such a large chunk of a relationship has been dealing with just the normal hardships of life. I feel bad because my feelings are up and down, and his may stay consistent, and, well, I just need some us time, ya know? I worry that our relationship is built around our need for one another? But is that always a bad thing? My friends feel like I have helped him through a really rough patch, and that he probably appreciates it, and I feel like he has been the most supportive and accepting man I have ever been with. I just worry that we may not be the best husband and wife material. But I don't feel that now is the right time to make any huge decisions, ya know?

I am not sure about the vacation plans, and feel a little bad about that, as I miss the lure of traipsing over the globe. Just a few years ago I was seeing the shores of different continents, and now I am pinching every penny and have made beans a regular staple of my diet. This isn't a bad thing as I am lucky to even have beens in the first place---just makes you see where you have been, where you are, and where you want to be.

On a side note, I have hit the 100 entries mark!

So, things have been sort of odd but ok lately. I have been really watching my budget---every day going over again and again how much I have for food, and how much I have set aside for food for Thanksgiving. I am going to try and make a meal for me and by, plus food for family, for under $30 bucks total. I think I will be able to do it as I have the menu items in mind, and I won't be doing the traditional turkey meal.

Overall, I think my budget is going ok this month, I don't feel so stressed out about it, and I feel like I have enough food to last us through the rest of the month.

My bf wants us to do the trip, but I am not sure about it. He had a bill to take care of that put his payment schedule for our expenses back a bit, so the check that should have been used for more the trip, is really going to be used for the basics for this month and maybe next month. No matter how many ways I look at it, I don't think it will be possible to go where I want to go, for less than $300. And I am not even sure if he has that amount, ya know? I also feel like telling him to just forget it, and use the money to put towards things like a new oil change, stuff for the house, etc. But both he and I could really use a vacation and a change of scenery for a few days. Sigh. Not sure what to do.

I saw a picture of myself recently and got a bit depressed. I just don't look as healthy as I used to, and I really dislike that. My bf thinks it is in my head, but I know how I looked before, and what I look like now, and I prefer how I looked previously. I really want to work on getting back that healthy glow I used to have.

I hope everyone is doing well this holiday season.

So, I am working on making more time for myself---time to do things that make me happy, time to relax, that kind of thing.

I have been watching every cent, I tell ya, every cent! I still have the urge to buy that coffee container (who knew such an object could haunt a person?!?!), and I have to kick my coffee addiction soon, cause it is costly.

BF is having a hard time with his family. It is hard to see him go through that, because, really, there is only so much one person can do, and I worry that he is being asked to do more than is appropriate. It also feels like the minute he accomplishes something, yet another thing needs to be done. I cannot fathom the amount of stress he is under.

I am very happy that he has been helping me with cooking and wants to spend more quality time with me.

I want to set aside at least $20 bucks so I can make a nice Thanksgiving meal.

I often have this funny discussion with a friend about wants versus needs . She may say she needs a new something or another, and I often reply that she doesn't absolutely need it, but wants it.

So, as I cook a very budget conscious meal, and contemplate what I will cook for the next meal, I find myself struggling with the wants versus the needs.

Today I was running late, and didn't pack my own lunch or breakfast. I ended up having a not so healthy lunch and break fast that only cost me $2 total. I was very happy about the $2 aspect, though I felt as if I didn't really want to eat what I did. Normally, this food item would be a splurge/treat when I am not thinking about my diet. But, today is was more of an issue of what I could buy for the least amount of money that wasn't totally full of carbs. So, I had some junk food for breakfast and lunch. I needed a cheap and cost effective breakfast and lunch, but I wanted something that was both warm and filling and healthy. An apple would have been good, but let's be real---two apples for breakfast and lunch may not really help me with my protein wants.

I am also struggling with the wants in regards to that yummy coffee container. I feel myself being a bit desiring of stress relief and feeling like I will just throw my hands up in the air and buy it, and then I think of "Do I really have that much in the budget for it? Do I want to be broke again at the end of the month? Will I want to have to carry it around every where with me, even when shopping?".

I find myself constantly going over my budget again and again in my head. Every purchase I make, I wonder about how it will impact my budget. I wonder, do other people think this much about their money? I look at my groceries, and often will put things back if I don't find them necessary, or if I worry that it may not be totally wanted or eaten in a specific time frame. I haven't been able to get a good deal on meat lately, so my freezer isn't as full as I would like it to be. My bf has been helping with bringing home staples like beans and rice.

Sending you all my thoughts and plenty of thanks for your advice and comments and for reading my ramblings.

My bf wants me to think of things to do for my bday. I feel like such a killjoy at times because he wants us to do something together, but I just don't see where we have room for it in our budget. He is going through a lot right now, and we are working on trying to spend quality time together. I am trying to think of places we can go that are very cheap and away from the hustle and bustle of the city.

We went to a local home improvement store, and my bf didn't understand why I wanted to wander the aisles....I told him that it gives me hope and ideas about the future....about the house I want to have one day, the bathroom and kitchen of my dreams. That kind of thing. I am not sure guys get how women think about things like that.

During these times it can be so easy to lose your perspective on things. Cutting out something like your morning coffee can seem like a deprivation, when for many people, any type of food or drink is a welcome event.

I have found that I have to work very hard on keeping my perspective on things. It is very easy for me to get sidetracked by things someone said or did that upset me, or wether or not people are judging me by my clothes, or by a comment that someone made in passing that they don't understand is very hurtful or makes me feel low. I have to work hard at not getting pulled into that sort of maelstrom. I think that focusing on things like my health, clutter, etc., helps to take my mind off of those energy sapping topics and focus it on something more important and more productive.

I have been thinking a lot about my bf and my perspective on everything he has been going through. I cannot go into a lot of detail, but from our conversations I can see that he is having a really hard time with things. I do wish at times that his family wouldn't put so much pressure on him. But, I am not in a position to say anything, and when I have said things, it made my bf upset. I think it is one of those things where you just have to help your family, and that is your obligation, and you may not want to hear advice from people who have been in the same situation. I went through something similar with my family, and I had to change my patterns with them on my own. No one (at the time of the issues) could dissuade me. I eventually just reached a point where I realized that I could do all I could do, and my family would have to understand that. Of course, the situation w/ my bf is very different, and I have got to keep reminding myself of the shear emotional aspect of it all. He is going through some very rough times, plus he is working hard at his job (he doesn't just stay at home all day), and I think he is tired alot of the time. I also have to step back and think that as much as I get frustrated by the things his family requests, he is probably moreso frustrated as he hears it directly from them on a consistent basis.

I am going to try to relax this month, and rather than jump to conclusions, I will just wait. I feel partly bad asking for things when I know all of the things that have been coming up (and they are real necessities---I feel bad that just when it seems like my bf may have some money or time for himself, up comes something else that needs to get done or paid for). I also realize that what I am asking for is not a lot, and really just helps both him and me out.

I am also going to change up my cooking a bit, and really focus on getting foods that are best for my diet. I have gained some weight in the past couple of months, and I am really upset about that (I have 2 new pairs of pants that I cannot wear!!!). So, I will need to find a way to have meals that do address my dietary needs, and also provide nourishment for my bf. I may opt to cook less during the week. I am going to work on that part.

Thank you everybody for your continued support. I feel like I am a geyser of emotions at times, and it is hard to kind of empty all of this out to friends, cause they are probably stressed as well.

I was wondering how many of us who are on a budget, sometimes find our willpower waning when we are faced with the four-letter word ....free.

For me, I have to admit, that as a person who often eats the same thing for multiple days, the prospect of a free meal, heck, even free coffee, can titillate the senses a bit too much. In these circumstances, I often find myself perhaps overindulging, or doing a doggie bag, even when doggie bags may not be the norm for the event. Thankfully, my friends are ok with this and they usually know my situation and know how everyone could use a free meal or a break from cooking, and they tend to provide extra Tupperware at events where there is a lot of food.

But, in some cases, partaking in free food may be frowned upon. In some areas, it may be seen as gluttony. So how does one deal with partaking in food and drink that may be completely outside of their budget, without being perceived as such? If red meat isn't in your budget, and you are offered steak, do you ever find it hard to politely resist?

I splurged this weekend and ordered take out for me and my bf. It was a nice treat, but the portion sizes were so small I almost cried when I got the to-go containers. They were full priced, but almost exactly half of what a regular to-go portion would be. The food was good, and I had to try and refrain myself from complaining about the size until the meal had been enjoyed.

I sometimes find that being frugal can have its drawbacks at times. Sometimes, rather than just enjoy something, I find myself calculating how much it is worth, and if I am overspending, rather than just living in the moment. I also find myself not asking my bf to buy things, because I worry that he may be charged too much for it. I need to not think about that aspect, and if I need something, to just politely ask. If he cannot afford it, he will just let me know.

I have started my own spreadsheet of my spending. I even color code what category the purchases were in, and how much I have left in that budget.

My bf will be helping me this month. I just feel anxious at times because he has a large bill to pay this month (totally verified), and so, now there is a bit of an issue. I have said it very plainly to him how much I need, and on what specific dates, so that there can be no confusion. It may sound cold, but the reality is that I have often given in on previous requests, and kept putting off asking for things for months. Now, my budget is tighter and I just do not have that luxury as before. So, in order to prevent misunderstandings, I let him know what is needed, and by what date it is needed. The help that I ask for really just pertains to us and our needs, such as food, toiletries, etc. Nothing fancy. No flatscreen tvs here. Ha! By the time I get a flat screen, there will probably be something new on the market and it will seem like a relic.

I will have to forego my explorations in cooking this month. I just don't have money in my budget to experiment with this or that. My bf has told me he is ok with eating a lot of beans and rice as I told him that may be a big staple in our diets. I am also going to explore the world of lentils, and see how that goes.

I hope everyone had a fun and safe Halloween.

So while the title is a bit unique, I couldn't find any correlation with my blog and the standard lions and tigers and bears! oh my! line. So, this sounded a bit funnier and more on point.

I asked my bf for more money and he helped me out. The extra gas expense wasn't planned, and it was frustrating trying figure out how much I have to spend on gas, on food, etc. Tomorrow is pay day for him, so it is a good day for me as well...it means he can buy some food and I can relax about the whole having enough issue. Mind you, we aren't starving. It is more along the lines of having rice and veggies and nothing to go with it. Which, in a lot of countries, including our own, is still a luxury, and I have been thinking more and more about how blessed I am.

I have also been getting more and more anxious about the homeless issue as I have been through it before, I don't have much savings except for my 401k, and well, my anxiety sometimes tries to creep up at times. Sigh. I have been finding myself a bit closer to crying than usual, and I have just chalked it up to hormonal fluctuations.

I have been wanting to do more Halloween activities, but with my budget, no can do on the costume or fun treats.

I am so looking foward to buying cleaning stuff and staples for the pantry this weekend. That and cleaning and maybe catching a movie on tv is what I am looking forward to.

I have been taking the comments and advice you all have given me to heart. With my bf, I can honestly say that he has done so much more for me than other men I dated who may have made 4x what he did. A lot of the guys I dated before judged me for being on a budget, or disregarded how much less I make, and how the $20 spent here and there is a much bigger deal for me than it is for them. I do, at times, find myself sad about past boyfriends and their judgements. It is irritating in some ways because a few of them were very well off, but had no real concept of working hard, and I think they saw me as being less of a person because my family was homeless and because I came from poverty, among other things.

Instead of being too eager to take care of others, I am realizing that at times, I may need help. I feel like now is a time in my life where I need my friends and this is very different from maybe a span of over 10 years where I was always trying to help everyone else.

So, I had some unexpected expenses this week---I needed extra gas and that messed up my plans for my budget until pay day. It sort of sucks because I hate feeling like I am scrambling for money.

I also feel bad because I like to keep food in my refrigerator for snacking or just regular meals and for today there is just enough left overs for dinner for my bf, but nothing to take for lunch the next day, and no time to defrost the meat I have in the freezer, as I thought the food would last a bit longer.

I will cook again tomorrow, and that should last a couple of days at least. I am, as usual, kicking myself for not planning the month out better. I should have set aside more money for general necessities so that while I wouldn't have money for excess things, I wouldn't be going through this whole weird breakfast and lunch combinations that are not the healthiest for me.

I am almost filled with glee when I think about shopping for things like toilet paper and paper towels and deodorant. Joy!! I am also seriously going to buy a lot of pantry staples so that even when money is short, I will always have a good food option available. AND, I am going to set a bit of my food money aside to keep for Thanksgiving!

My bf has been helping me more, and I really appreciate that. It has been hard for me to ask for help at times, because I worry about how it may be affecting him. I need to stop doing that, and just allow him to help me when he offers.

I spoke with the customer service rep for the account that is automatically debited per month. They seem a lot more helpful with trying to correct the issue than the customer service reps that do the automatic calling. I owe them less than $20, and they have been calling me day and night! Now don't get me wrong, $20 is a good amount and it is the principal of the matter, I understand, but why call me at 8am on the weekend? Why call me just a few minutes before 9pm at night? Sigh. My friends say I should just pay the balance (the correct balance, of course), and just be done with them. I am seriously leaning towards that.

I need to take better care of myself. I see how people age when they are stressed or work too hard and don't eat the best foods, and I worry about that for myself. I did that whole Real Age thing, and well, it put me at least 10 years older than my chronological age. Not good.

I hope that everyone is doing good and I thank you and appreciate all of the advice you all have given me.

Well, one thing that I have learned recently, that I am going to hold myself to next month, is making sure that when I get paid, I buy EVERYTHING I will need for that month in advance! I cannot express how frustrating it is when I am doing the budget calculations again and again on my tiny little calculator, and realizing that I have to budget for a basic toiletry, and how that negatively affects my budget.

So, next month, I want to do something different, and stock up on certain food items....I want to stock up on multiple cans of beans and bags of rice. Right now, I usually buy only 2 or 3 cans of beans at the same time, and only 1 bag of rice at a time. Next month I want to double that. Just so that when the cupboard is a bit bare (a little bit like now), I will know that I always have enough food to last the remaining week or two.

I will also go back to my previous patterns, and buy all the toiletries I will need for the entire month, at the beginning of the month (I go through at least 1 bottle of hair stuff per month). I am also going to see about putting my money for washing clothes into a separate envelope so that I am never in the situation (as I am in now), where I have to weigh washing clothes, over buying food. While it is in no means a sob story, it is a bit embarassing.

My bf has been more helpful to me lately. He really changed his tune of each of us buying our own food, to offering to buy me food stuff that I need. I am going to start saying yes more. We talked yesterday, and the stuff with his family is really hard and stressing him out. I really feel for him because some of the stress his family puts on him isn't always appropriate, ya know? All I can do is just offer support and maybe different ways of interacting with the family for more positive results.

Things are ok, I am just a bit bummed about my coffee budget (see......shows how spoiled I am!) and how there really isn't room in my budget to be buying coffee made from a cafe (or even McDonald's---don't laugh, it really isn't all that bad). I hope to work on my coffee skills this week.

I will admit that I notice that the way I am acting now with my money, is very similar to how I was raised. We did the same thing of being over excited when first getting money at the beginning of the month and eating nicer food, to eating the left over animal parts (it sounds gross, but hey, it is true---those parts of the animal were cheaper because people don't like to use them....and why do we eat ox tails, but not any other part of the ox??) at the end of the month and having the cupboards be bare. I really don't like that I am repeating that, so I want to work on that. I also want to state that while I have cabinet space, I don't have much, it is cluttered, and there is no semblance of a true pantry to store food like when I was a kid. The cabinets are directly over the stove, so I worry about putting cans there that may get too hot from all of the cooking. Suggestions are welcomed.

Hope everyone is doing well. Thank you for taking the time to read my little musings.

So, every day I have been crunching the numbers (it appears I should have been doing this more often!), and it seems that I will have $22 remaining for food for the rest of the month for 2 people. Hmm.

Now, I have rice, veggies, and some protein. The protein I have I think, could last a week, in terms of dinners.

The rice, I think, total, could last the remaining two weeks.

I know that only in America could I say this, but I think my budget is making me fat. Needless to say that my focusing on price and fullness factor per serving, versus nutritional benefits, has left me a bit larger than previously. I was shocked to learn that I somehow gained 7 lbs in 1 month! Yikes! Now because of the doctor stuff, it could be retaining water, etc. Sigh. I am not a happy camper about that.

My bf made a good dinner last night and I really appreciate it. It was enough for dinner, without any left overs, so I ended up buying my breakfast and lunch today. I hate spending money because of poor planning (in this case i was too tired to cook anything and wanted to leave enough food so that my bf could have something to eat for breakfast). So, I scoured the aisles of a local mini-mart (no supermarkets are open near my job in the a.m) and ended up finding something that will keep me somewhat full for two meals, with a total cost of $4.30 cents. Now, is it the healthiest option? Yes, and no. There are a lot of carbs, but also a good amount of protein....it is just missing some veggies, and is probably sky high in preservaties, sodium, and fat. Sigh.

I was shopping the other day, and I really just wanted to buy stuff for a salad---lettuce, chicken, maybe a little cheese. Not much. But even with the price tag for those items, I was thinking more about how much meat I could buy that could be used for a meal that has at least 4 servings.....I try to cook food that can last at least 2 days, with 4 servings. My bf and I are very hearty eaters, so having 1 hot pocket for lunch just isn't going to do it.

On another note, my shoes have been...well....apalling lately. I have a pair of shoes that go well with my dressier clothes, but they are so worn out that I have to make sure not to let people see the bottoms of them. My bf wants to get me shoes, regardless of the cost. It is hard for me to just automatically say yes, cause I know how hard it is for him to manage his budget. But, I agreed to get the shoes, provided that all of the other bills are paid.

This budget thing and eating what I am eating is making me a bit irritable, but, all I can do is just try to stay on track as best as possible, and avoid, at any cost, going into my savings.

On a positive note, my 401k is rebounding and climbing higher and higher to being the amount it was before the recession. Woo hoo!!

So, we all know that most people are cutting corners, budget wise, and watching every cent.

I have been watching everything that I spend, counting out how much I will need even for basic toiletries (hey, 1 ply is just as good as 2 ply, and A LOT cheaper, and lasts A LOT longer).

I have been good for the most part (with the exception being my coffee--and no, I don't buy lattes---though they do call out to me from time to time---buuuuuuy me! buuuuuuuy me! I am sooooo creeeeeaaaammmmmyyyyyy!) and been writing down whatever I buy, and taking an honest assessment of what I am going to buy is really necessary.

This often occurs when I have been tired the night before and not made my lunch, or haven't made enough food to take for lunch or breakfast, so I find the cheapest items possible and make the food stretch.

So, why, when I am buying food, do store owners want to give you "that look" when you point out an issue with the price? I recently bought something and the menu said a certain price. The guy (who has a bit of vanity going on, but I digress) didn't bat an eye when I said that he overcharged me. He said the price changed. I said that the menu says this price and that I have bought it at that price recently. He seriously wasn't going to budge, and wasn't going to accept that if you post a price (that can be altered on the menu---it is the type that doesn't involve re-ordering copies, etc.) that you need to honor that price. I really think he was seriously going to just have the stance of "Hey, we changed our prices, didn't tell the customer, you already ordered the food, now pay up". He went and talked to a senior person and honored the original price, but he never made any mention of what happened, just gave me the change I was supposed to have. wth?

So, I have been considerate lately with my friends....when eating at their place, I tend to either refrain from eating altogether (if I didn't chip in money wise), or not eating too much. When we go out, I abstain from buying expensive drinks, and try and order the cheapest thing on the menu. All of us are having money issues, and they understand that I cannot buy alcoholic drinks, or even drinks that do not include the free water.

I had a medical expense that is not much at all, but does impact my budget. I go from periods of feeling ok and happy and calm, to freaking out and being anxious about my money situation. Sigh. I have been like a broken record with my bf, telling him exactly how much money I need, and by which date. I hate being like a broken record, and I know he says I need to just accept that he is going to help me, but I just have a hard time waiting on people. I really don't like asking for help, and I don't like having to depend on others. I am so grateful when they help me, and I thank them tremendously as it does warm my heart. The waiting and being somewhat powerless over the situation is what upsets me. My bf is going through some things, and I feel bad bringing up what I need, but I feel like I really do need help, and for the majority of our relationship, I have been helping him. I don't want to add stress to him, and he has said for me to not worry about adding more stress to him, so I am going to take his word on that, even though sometimes he gets in a funk and doesn't want to talk about things and well, as you all can tell, I am a chatty cathy and talking is my thing.

Writing this out on here really helps me to mellow out a bit and get things out, ya know? I find that often I really cannot talk about these kinds of things with my friends because they are hard to get a hold of, or are going through their own things, and my bf doesn't like talking about money or budgets, AND when he gets home, lately, he just wants to chill out and not talk much. So, at times, my desire to talk and conversate is high.

Thank you all for taking the time to read my ramblings.

I have found that if I were to examine my past relationships, I feel like I always spent more money on my partner, than my partner spent on me.

I don't know how to explain this, without the potential for coming across as petty. By no means am I trying to be petty, just being honest about patterns I have noticed.

With past boyfriends, they may have made more money than I did, but I always feel like what I gave or spent, was a bigger part of my budget, then in their situation.

With my current bf, he has been kinder and nicer and has spent more on me to help me out than any other boyfriend....even boyfriends that made 3 and 4x what he makes. I find that I have spent more during our relationship, but primarily due to the expenses of extra food.

Now that my savings is super low, I find myself really, really anxious and worried. I helped my bf through a very difficult time, and I think it was appropriate for me to do so. His family was able to get through something that is, I feel, a super difficult thing to have experience. And, I am hoping that he can see that now I am the one that needs help.

I really feel like my bf doesn't understand how much food costs. I feel that I am going to really work on letting him know when I need something, rather than just trying to do everything myself. I also feel that since I have really cleaned out my fridge, he can better be able to tell that things are tough, when he sees how bare it is. I have done my budget, and if my bf pays the two bills that need to be paid, then I will still have some money left over for food. However, the food will be very tame and mild this month, as I told him I only have $100 in the budget for food, and I don't think he gets that $100 is barely enough for 2 people. I am going to try and make it work though, and it will involve a lot more cooking.

I am very anxious because I have a very hard time depending on people. Really hard. Primarily because (and I know this sounds bad), but when I was younger, there was this pattern of not being able to depend on things, so I sort of have this thing where I try to handle it all myself because I trust myself on how to do things, more than I, at times, trust others.

Yeah, I do realize that is probably something I should really evaluate.

On a positive note, I will be done paying a bill at the end of this year (woo hoo!). I also hope to be done paying my friend back money back. That will help to make my budget not short, as it is currently.

This weekend I was driving, and stopped at a local store, and I saw a homeless person sleeping in a doorway, trying to pull up the covers to keep himself warm. It was so sad to see, also the doorway was super brightly lit, and I just felt so sorry for them. I couldn't even imagine how cold they were, or trying to sleep under such a bright light.

Today, I was by the local bus station and it was so sad. Why are bus stations always so......dirty? It was so dirty, and I felt so bad for the people who were using the benches to sleep on.

These times, (although I have been fearful of this even before the recession), have made my fears a bit more intense. I think it is only because I have been through it before, so for me, I think I see it as a reality for any person, more than the average person who may not have experienced what it is like to eat at a soup kitchen, or make your bed on the top of a coffee table.

I know that being fearful isn't good for the soul, and rather than waste energy worrying about things that may not happen, all I can do is do whatever possible to prevent such a situation and have faith that I will be ok.

I still find myself beating myself up for some foolish spending decisions made in the past. So, I tell myself that when I have paid off more debt, and am able to, I want to save money every month, so that when I go into the next month, I am going in with money, and not in the red from the previous month.

My bf and I talked, and he is going to help me with my bills for this month. I told him the exact amount that I needed, and we made an agreement. He let me know when he gets paid, and the exact amount he can give me per paycheck. That helped to relax me quite a bit.

I have been writing down my purchases so I can keep track of my budget. I am also trying to stick to buying things that I only need (with the exception being my weakness for tea and whatnot).

I realize that I was looking a bit disheveled before my budget problems, and I don't have to let my budget affect my appearance. So, I will be making more time for the self-indulgent things that make a girl feel pretty.

First off, let me preface this entry by saying that I do admit that I am cheap. Though, I prefer to say another adjective, but I think you get the point.

Just yesterday, I was in a restaurant, and boyfriend was picking up the tab. Because he is on a budget, I try to order the cheapest thing possible. Well, they were out of that, so I went with the next cheapest item. For what it was, it was overpriced, and I asked for an extra condiment. I asked if there would be a charge. The guy said no charge. Well, when he is adding up our food, low and behold, he put in extra for the condiment. I asked him about it, and he stated that he is only charging me half of what he normally charges for the condiment....which was still ridiculuously overpriced. My bf got upset. Sigh. The food was good, but I probably would not buy that item again because of the price.

I have a similar issue with a place that I frequent often. I buy their product with the understanding that I can use a condiment (i.e., jelly, etc.). One of the cashiers has made comments about my usage of jelly and how he will charge me extra if I use more. He said this out loud in the crowded restaurant, and it was very embarassing. I stopped going there for a while because of his comments.

Due to not scheduling things right, I find myself there again, and hungry, and trying to get the cheapest thing on the menu. I bought an item today with the understanding that I would be using jelly. Again, he made a comment about he will charge me extra if I use too much jelly. I said ok.

It was a weird situation and it made me feel very ashamed, I must admit. I think I will stop going there, because I don't like feeling like a leech or a cheapskate because I want to use a condiment that is free for customers. It also feels weird because I can feel the cashier watching me as I am getting the condiments and napkins that everyone uses.

So, I have done my budget and voila....I will be $300 short this month. I am trying to not stress about it, though.

My boyfriend and his family were able to pay their bills, and they had a little bit left over. I did not make any comment about the amount left over. I did not mention anything about the money my relative gave my bf towards the bill. I am not sure when I should say something about how much I am short. I think I will wait until next week. It is sooo difficult talking with him about money. Ugh!! I do think he is in a better mood now, than previously, and I am hoping that we can really work on how we feel about each other this month. It may sound weird, but the idea of marriage has crept up into my head. I know, weird, huh?

I also realize that my being broke and not giving as much attention to my appearance is negatively affecting me.

I don't have money to buy new shoes, and so I wore some shoes with holes in the bottom that I cover with a type of paper. They look ok, but just don't look at the bottom. I realize that is really not good and I shouldn't be doing that.

I have a few main stays in my wardrobe, but they are getting worn out, and my handwashing skills aren't great. So, all in all, I am finding that I think that I am allowing my budget to make me look slovenly. I am going to dedicate $20 this month to take my dry clean shirts to the cleaners (the kind that need to be ironed---I don't have an iron), so that I always have a presentable outfit ready if needed. My bf made a comment yesterday, and it really made me wonder if he is, at times, embarassed by me because I don't pay a lot of attention to my dress attire. I want him to be proud of me. It was hard to tell if he is sometimes embarassed by me.

I am having a slight pain, and it is bugging me because I know what needs to be done, but there is the money aspect for the co-pay, and making time to get to the doc. Sigh.

Escapism is a common thing that I think many of us do. What each person considers a form of escapism, is subjective, and unique.

For me, I started my foray into escapism as a teen. I had a loved one whom was dying, and there was very little medical help that could be done. So, all we could do, to be blunt, was try to go through the motions as my loved one got sicker and sicker.

This made me not want to be home, since our place was so small that if I were studying or doing homework, I would be face to face with my loved one. Not a bad thing, but when a person is sick and you want time to yourself to choke back a tear or something, there simply wasn't any room for that. So, I often escaped to different parts of my city----I would scrounge local used book stores and splurge on cheap lunch plates. It was all I could do I felt, at that time, to try to relieve stress.

Before my loved one's illness, I was able to escape into my school work and excel. But his illness was a bit too much for me to deal with and be able to think clearly in school.

I have found that as I get older, I have escaped into different things...sometimes it would be getting a new hobby, or going on vacation.

Since my money is tight, I am escaping into visiting parts of my city that I used to frequent when I was younger. My city is a good city, I just hate that it is slowly losing what made it so wonderful in the first place.

I walked around this morning and it was nice and relaxing. It wasn't super cheap, as I didn't follow my budget and bought some pastries that were not on my "to buy" list. But it was nice, and only like an hour.

On a different tangent, how does one not appear broke in a large group? I recently had a situation where everyone else in the group ordered a meal, and I ordered one of the cheapest things on the menu, and it sort of looked awkward, but I don't think anyone cared. I do remember feeling really......upset. I felt embarrassed, and angry at myself because I am responsible for my budget problems.

I have been thinking about my boyfriend lately. We haven't seen much of each other lately because of his family situation. He is really going through a lot.

I wonder if we can get back to normal? I really do think that I have been trying to be helpful and supportive for a majority of our relationship. I do admit that I have not asked my bf for as much help as I should have, and I think that, at times, has made him feel bad. It was not my intention to do so, I just felt he wasn't in a position to help. I think our power dynamics and roles got really screwed up (yeah, I know, I am very pro-woman, and I am also very pro stay at home mom, as well).

I really hope that we can get back on track as well and that our relationship will be able to get better. I sort of feel like our relationship shifted too much, which may have been appropriate given the circumstances, to just a lot of help and assistance, and very little dating or couple time.

I am really hoping that my budget will be better next month. I am anxiously awaiting the 1st, and I hope that thing will be okay.

I went from one point in my life of having to pay for things with pennies (I kidd you not), to paying for most things with my atm and credit card.

As I now need to get a new card, and don't want to use credit, I have discovered very quickly how much using cash versus atm really impacts my spending.

I took 40 bucks out with me this morning in order buy some groceries. I thought it was MORE than plenty----but, after stopping at the health food store, and then trader joe's (where I put back a couple of not totally necessary right now foodstuffs), I was really low on funds and counting out change for my iced coffee treat.

I wonder if I should stick with using cash or stick with my atm? I don't like using cash cause I seem to spend it more freely when it is in my pocket.

But when using my atm, I can easily spend more than i anticipated, because I know I have enough in my account to cover my purchase.

What do you think?

So payday came, and I tried my best not to go completely crazy.

While I did buy some heavenly chicken katsu for dinner, and a quick pasta mix for my bf, I didn't go far past that. AND, I have been writing down everything I buy, where I buy it from, the category it goes into (food, household items, pets), and how much.

My goal is to keep track of everything I am buying every single day, even if it is just a .50 cent can of soda.

I am going to buy some more household items today, but am writing out my list of what I MUST buy, so I don't buy something frivalous.

I am also going food shopping today, and my goal is to buy only enough food to last through the holiday weekend. That way, I won't have to do numerous trips and whatnot.

I have some decorating plans for the weekend, and they are free (except for the gas used to take stuff to storage, and the garbage bags well for....garbage.

I am also being more scrutinizing of things I buy for my bf. I know that I tend to get spend happy for food in the beginning of the month, and then am short at the end. So I figure that I will start now with what I buy, and just eat frugally the entire month. I really, really, REALLY, want to avoid using my credit cards this month or going into my savigs.

I realize that I guess I have money issues.
When I am stressed or happy, I am not so cautious of my spending---now mind you, not being cautious in my world means getting a cup of coffee or buying some needed food that tastes good. It doesn't mean buying a book or buying clothes or dvds for fun.

I started to think about how much I went into my savings this month, and I almost started crying. I added how much I spent on food---shopping at really cheap stores, no whole paycheck for me. And I spent about $300 more on food than I should have...i checked and I spent about $200 on food in the first 2 weeks.

I just don't know what to do....I really don't. I am eating leftovers for lunch, avoiding eating out whenever possible, buying bulk rolls of 24 ct. for $1.50 and having 5 rolls for breakfast (not good for my diet, of course), and just so mad at myself for all of it.

I will also have to speak with my bf. He knows I am having money problems, but so is he, and he isn't good at budgeting (neither am I, it appears, but I do put up a good attempt, I think---at least I write things out--doesn't that count?), and so, the past 2 months he hasn't been contributing what we agreed upon...and it is mainly because he has had family stuff come up. I don't want to stress him out, but I will have to let him know that we are going to have to stick with our agreement if he stays with me...which, due to a crowded situation at his family's house, he may be staying with me. I am okay with that, but I realize that even a couple of trips per week to the cheapo market is still maybe $50 bucks, and that adds up quickly. Sigh.

I feel very sad right now. I am going to look for a part-time job and next month, I am going to fully commit myself to writing down every single thing I buy. And, i am going to use my debit card more---I find that the loose cash is easier for me to change and I forget what I spent it on when I am not writing things down.

I really just feel like crying. And the honest truth is that if I had 3-6 months of cash savings, i wouldn't be worrying about the debt i would have. I would pay it off of course, but not having the savings and not being able to get more credit is really stressing me out.

thank you all for letting me vent. I am not sure I can talk to many people about how i feel. I feel like you all understand some of where I am coming from, and i really appreciate all of your comments (sorry, i can't change the white background without then changing my blog page...and I am not sure if I want to use blue color or yellow color on a black background...I think it may be more difficult to see).

Love you all.

So, here I find myself again...almost the end of the month, eagerly awaiting my paycheck, and seeming amazed at why I went into my savings account.

I didn't do like I was supposed to, which was write out everything I bought through out the month. And so now I find myself again, hoping that I can somehow get it together and write out my spending habits for all of September so I can track to see what I am overspending on.

Of course, my main goal is to stay within my budget...the recent auto expenses made me dip significantly into my savings...I was already $140 or so dollars short to pay for some needed maintenance, and then I find myself another $200+ bucks short when I had to fix another issue. Sigh.

I am really worried and I hope that I can get it together for next month. The reason being that my pay will shrink by maybe $160-$180 bucks due to paycuts, and I am going to have to seriously figure out how I am going to pay all of my bills with less money.

I know that this month I primarily overspent on food. Yep, just food. Nothing fancy. Just food.

Next month I am going to challenge myself even more to not use my credit card or go into my savings.

My friend's family member is having a baby. I am very happy, and also feeling the baby fever. I am not delusional and I realize that right now is not the best time to have a baby, and yet, the fear is growing in me. I hope I can relax about it a bit. Funny, but when I was younger, I was very much against having children biologically, and really only wanted to adopt. Sigh. Maybe I will change my way of thinking about it? Not sure.

I do know that I tend to spend more when I am stressed....I just want to relax and get my mind off of it, and that tends to make me buy fast food or coffee drinks a bit more freely.

I had a discussion with a family member and she told me some things about not wanting to see similarities between me and my mom, because she has negative memories of my mom (who is deceased). Wow. I am not sure really how to take that. I wasn't mad at her, I just told her that I hope that at some point she can see good similarities.
It has made me feel a bit at odds because I just don't know how I am supposed to think about that.

Being the oldest, I have always been the ones my siblings turn to. My friends think I am good with money (in some ways I am, in other ways I am not), and they usually come to me for help or advice.

Now that money is tight, I have been asking for help more. I mean, in some ways, I am more comfortable sharing my thoughts on here, than maybe talking to my friends. Part of it is because I don't want to appear like I am whinning about things.

My sis is going to lend me money to fix my car. Woo hoo!! I am sooo happy! It was really hard for me to ask her, because at times we have a strained relationship and I have always been the one to lend her money or help her out. When I was telling her about the pay cuts, she offered to help, and my usual response was that things will be ok and that I will make things work out. Well, when I realized that my car repair would make my savings go lower than they have been for maybe a decade, then it made me realize it may be best to ask for help. And she is helping me! And I am so happy! It is hard, because it is hard for me to depend on people. I realize I need to work on that, because it may affect how I make others feel.

I am not sure if I am going to tell my bf that my sis is letting me borrow money. I am not sure if that will stress him out (he wants to help me more, and sometimes, when he is not able to, I think he gets overwhelmed and frustrated) and I know he has got so much he is already doing for his family, so I don't want to make him feel more stressed.

I am a much more cheerful person when my money is better....even if I have debt, I still feel more comfortable knowing I have my emergency savings. I am going to start looking for a part-time job so I can build up my savings.

I am tempted to go into my 401k, or do debt consolidation...but I know that isn't the best thing. I just need to get thru these tough times and realize that I have been far poorer and through far worse economic times. I just need to stay strong.

Well, after doing some calculations, it appears that the reduction in my earnings may be around $200-$250 per month....which, is still pretty significant....but if my bf pays for the food, and I maybe cut out some things, then I can make ends meet. I am now worried about much the health insurance will increase....that is the part that can determine if I will have to get a part-time job in addition to my full-time job.

I bought some trader joes roast beef hash in a pouch last week and yum! I cooked it and some eggs and voila! I am full and it was a cheap dinner...hash always fills me up. Probably too much salt, though.

I did good and skipped my trip to Walmart for some stuff for my car...I felt good about that as I realized that the temptation to buy stuff at Walmart would be too great. And by stuff I don't mean clothes or electronics, I mean primarily food stuff and snack food that I really don't need, but when stressed, tend to pig out on. So, I skipped Walmart and was able to buy my car stuff directly from the dealer and it was cheaper than I thought! I also feel good about the fact that I am learning more about doing some maintenance and I hope that it keeps her running smooth.

I did good and though I was tempted, I avoided the sugary drinks and went with a sugar free drink. Yay!!

Things feel very different economically now, even though I know things were worse when I was younger.

When I was younger, I didn't have money, but I didn't have bills, either. So, when I had money, it was time for fun and needed toiletries and skin care stuff. I would buy a used book and have a lunch as a way to relax and pamper myself.

Some years ago, when money was tight, it was tight, but I had a credit card I could use for the occasional meal out, or used book, etc.

Now, I rarely eat out (when i do, it is usually fast food or someone else is buying it for me), I feel stressed about money a lot, my food choices are made more by my budget than what I really want to eat, and I end up feeling anxious a bit....I know that things are not bad for me. I have a roof over my head and food in my stomach and a good job, so I should stop worrying. I just feel more anxious now because much of the credit I have available has a very high interest rate, I have very little savings and i want to reserve it for paying rent, and I am like counting out every single amount...from how many miles I can get per gallon, to how much my necessary toiletries cost and where I can get them cheaper, and just really being fastidious about certain items. Sometimes, when I feel this way, I just want to relax. I want to have a leisurely day where I don't have to worry about a chore that needs to be done. I want to relax like I did years ago where I would make a day of just driving and window shopping and having a nice breakfast or lunch on the open road.

I remember this place I used to go to that had the best scrambled eggs....I haven't been there in ages, and primarily because a breakfast is like 7 or 8 bucks.

I know that during this time I just have to relax and accept that things may not be comfortable for a while. It is just hard for me to be relaxed right now. Right now I want to window shop and try to relax and not always be counting out every cent. I also want to work on how I relate to my friends...when I am in a situation where I am counting out every cent almost, then I don't understand friends that splurge on clothes, or say they are dealing with money issues, but still buy designer duds. And yeah, of course I realize that I am in this predicament because I overspent in prior years, and didn't watch my spending on food, etc.

So today I felt good this morning cause I saved money on parking yesterday, which allowed me to have more money to spend on food for this week.

Well, the supermarket had a sale on boneless skinless chicken breasts for less than 2 bucks a pound, so i bought two packs...which was more than I anticipated buying. so the chicken will be for dinner and I needed to think of food for lunch at work, so I bought some processed microwave food. I felt bad about it, but at least it is vegetarian.

I also did good and avoided my favorite iced tea and soda. I was soooo fiending for it today. I wish I knew now how much my check will be cut so I can start budgeting accordingly. I am going to try and do my tax calculations on line so I can get an idea of how much less my paycheck will be.

I learned that a lot of my fun is centered around things that cost money! I like to window shop, and not necessarily shop, but that costs money in gas and sometimes parking and of course, coffee drinks (and my coffee drinks are less than 3 bucks!). I like buying household cleaning items, but that will be budgeted even more as well.

I really worried a bit right now....I want to avoid missing any bill payments, and I want to keep my credit rating improving. And, finding a part-time job is kind of difficult right now...many places are offering part-time work, but not in the hours I can work...which would be primarily only on the weekends.

So, I will admit that last night I came home super duper stressed out. I even contemplated having a glass of wine, but decided against it. Why waste a perfectly good bottle of wine? (I usually have one glass, and the wine goes bad before I can finish the bottle).

So, I avoided my desire to go and buy the cheap 1.68 super bag of chips at the cheap super market, and the cheap 2.50 ice cream bars, and instead just drove straight home after work. I decided to heat up some left overs, have a bowl of cereal, and even some fresh corn, and after it all, I was full and the cravings for chips and ice cream vanished, and I didn't spend any extra money.

My loved one listened to me yesterday as I talked about potentially being $400 (to maybe even $600!) short from my paychecks per month for the next year. Nope, NOT good at all! I am hoping that if the medical expenses are increased, that we at least have the option to opt out and go to a lower medical insurance provider. I will miss my docs and my super good health insurance, but what can you do?

Breakfast today was the leftovers made on Tuesday. Filling, but I am not sure the food would have lasted longer. I gave my bf chicken I made for him on Thursday, and some other frozen chicken and rice.

It is a weird situation at times because he wants me to not give him so much food and just accept that he has to do things on his own, even if that means going hungry. But he is also going through so much right now that I know he could benefit from the food. My friend gave me money for giving her a ride, and since I had budgeted out my expenses, I was able to give my bf some money for food and transportation. I know he needs the help, and I also know that he may at times be upset that I am helping him, and he always wants to help me more. I have a hard time asking him for help, and I know I need to work on that.

I am trying to think positively about this situation. Maybe I will be able to eat more veggies on a limited budget. I am really forcing myself to not go the easy route of cheap processed foods, and still try and maintain healthy foods for super cheap. I am really going to try to keep eating whole, complete foods, and avoiding processed foods. Maybe this will help to also improve my health if I am eating a more veggie diet? I hope my body agrees with that.

And what do I do about visiting my family? I don't want to not be able to visit with them because of gas costs...which, it is really upsetting that gas is now over 3 dollars a gallon.

Simple things keep me happy. I am going to focus on trying to stay happy right now. All you can do is just get through it, ya know?

So, today I looked at my checking account and was running the figures in my head and whatnot and I am feeling ok. Yes, my food budget is depleted for the month---but I have a lot of protein and rice and I need to only buy maybe $20 bucks worth of food at the most, so I am not feeling too bad. I could borrow that amount from my money for next month's bill.

My bf gets paid on Friday, and he will give me some money relating to tolls and gas and whatnot. I know I have to pay some money for extra tolls, and I am thinking it will hopefully be no more than an extra $25 bucks.

I will be getting more money than usual next month, so I am going to save the majority of it, and take some of it to get my car fixed...time for a tune-up. I really wish I knew how to do that stuff myself...or rather, I wish my mechanic wasn't so freakin expensive! They do good work...but they are pricey!

Sorry about the comments issues----I would have to change the text and background color in order to change the text color on my comments section. Not sure which color to choose at this time. In the meantime, you can "highlight" the comment boxes (aka select as well), and that will let you be able to view the comments.

So, here I am...still in my early 30s, and contemplating my baby making factory abilities. I worry...When will I have kids? When will I be able to have kids? When will I be financially stable enough to have kids? What if I am not able to?

Part of me is kicking myself in the rear...why didn't I think ahead? Why didn't I start saving for being a mom years and year and years ago?!?! What about health and all of that?

I am working on my health so I can have children. I acknowledge that I have been saying that for a while...and at my age I have to do it rather than just say it again and again. My primary goal is to be a healthy mom so my future kids can have me around for a long time.

Yes, I want plural. I want 3 or more. Yes, I know they are expensive. But if I can manage the shelter, improve my cooking of healthy foods, and health insurance, I can make everything else work. I grew up poor....and some of the best times in my life were just regular sit down dinners at home...this was of course before things got hectic...but that is another story for another time.

I worry about the money aspect of having children. For some reason today, I got filled with a bit of fear...how much is insurance for a kid? Will I have enough for braces (yeah, I had bad teeth as a youth---they are much better now!), omg! I know that rationally if I just keep truckin along, my debt will be paid by the time I plan on starting a family. I still get scared though, to be honest. I don't want to not have children. I know that my self-worth isn't dependent upon being married or having kids, but for me, in how I view myself, I really, really, really want to be a mom. I want to be a healthy mom (making ants on a log for my kids---with all natural peanut butter of course, none of that sugar added stuff!), a mom with a lot of energy, a mom who is able to play an active and happy role in the lives of her children.

I live in an expensive city and so, owning a home seems still like a faraway dream. But, my goal is to have a home by the time I am 40.

My bf. He is a good man, and we have discussed children, and have agreed that now is not the right time. I wouldn't want to have a child at this time in my life...I want to have more flexibility and surplus spending money in my budget---diapers cost money...cute little stuff monkeys with hats and jackets cost money, you get the drift. He also has his own responsibilities, and I think we would have to discuss things more and work on a budget or spending plan so that there isn't much friction regarding finances---I am more strict, he is more relaxed, and as such, we usually cause each other a bit of stress when discussing money.

I did good today---no stopping at a store or drive thru for anything. I came straight home and had a yummy dinner of cereal and it was pretty good. I am taking vitamins that my doctor suggested, and just focusing on losing more weight. Right now I am about 16-17lbs away from my 2nd weightloss goal. I am very excited about that as I haven't weighed that much in over 2 years.

I know that people say there isn't any good time to have a baby...and I wonder...for those with debt, or not much surplus cash---how did you do it?

Well, dinner went well last night. I cooked up quite a few pounds of chicken. I ended up giving most of it to my bf to take home.

This budget thing is a bit complex....I did overspend on food, but feel okay about it because I got some good deals and the food will likely last me into next month. It is a bit more complicated in that my bf is going thru some difficulties, my budget is tight, his budget is tighter, and so at times I am trying to stretch the food out. I know it bugs him a bit, but I want to make sure that he has food. I do know when to not over-do it. Last night, it was appropriate to give him most of the dinner and some odds and ends from my refrigerator. I have enough food to last me through the rest of the month, with only needing to buy some sauce and eggs and whatnot. And when he gets paid, he will most likely give me some money for food or gas or things like that.

On a better note, I have lost some weight. Yay!

I am feeling ok food wise...just having weird cravings for yummy buttery pastries, but will stick to the food I brought from home.

Well, I am really lucky in that in my budget, I have to set aside a certain amount for my car insurance that I pay bi-monthly. This means that I have over $100 I need to reserve for the next month.

This helps me a lot in that when I am in need of funds, I can borrow from this reserve, and then pay myself back the following month. Not the best strategy in terms of sticking with a budget, but it does come in handy.

I will have almost $200 extra per month once I finish paying off a bill. I will save part of this and put the rest towards paying off the rest of my bills. Next year, I will be through with paying off an additional bill and so, I will use most towards paying down debt and increasing savings.

So, when I saw a sale on my favorite type of chicken, I snatched up 3 packs. Woo hoo! Way more than enough for the rest of the month. So, in addition to the beans and rice and eggs and dairy I have, I will not need food for the rest of the month.

I am watching what I buy and do admit that this was a bad week in terms of eating when stressed and out of convenience. I ate some fast food this week, plus a breakfast. So I need to chill with that for a while as it isn't healthy and 3 bucks here and there could end up enough money for a healthier meal.

I have lost some weight, and want to continue losing weight, so I am also looking forward to my food for the month....it is a bit harder to eat healthy on a budget, but with a little practice, it can be done.

Hope you all are having a good mother's day.

Aside from some possible grammar issues with my spelling, I am overwhelmed by the amount of visits my blog is getting.

I have other blogs that I haven't frequented in a while, and when I found this site and the ability to really, well, vent and be open about my finances (as for me, it is sometimes hard to do with family and friends as I don't want to be the kind of person always whining about money), I didn't think many people would read it. I thought it would be more of a cathartic tool for me to use and to help keep me focused on my financial goals. Instead, I got both the cathartic effect, and also more support than I imagined.

Many thanks to those of you who take the time to read the ramblings and thoughts that flow through my head on a daily basis.

I read many of your comments regarding the "Love and Money" entry, and it is hard to explain the desire I have to be a stay at home mom. I really, really, really don't like the idea of letting a stranger raise my children. I also do not have much family support, so it isn't like I have a relative who could watch my child. And yeah, I am as feminist as they come, but ya know what? I still love the idea of love, I love the idea of a traditional family (primarily because I didn't really have it as a kid), and yeah, I do feel that a man (or a woman), should be able to provide for their family. As a strong woman I want to be able to support my family if push comes to shove, and I also want my hubby to be able to support the family as well.

I also have to add that as a child there was a lot of food insecurity as well as money insecurity, and I don't want that for my child. I went through being homeless and it still really messes with my thought patterns to this day.

What I think that would mean is that if I get married and if my hubby makes less than I do, we will just have to work on the savings, and par down expeses, so that we can afford for me to stay home. I am good at cooking cheap food and finding super duper bargains, so, yeah, I do agree that if two people are committed to the same goal, then they can make it happen.

As I mentioned in another entry, there is the issue of complexes. I did grow up seeing the stereotype of the hard working woman with the boyfriend or hubby who didn't work. I remember seeing how beat down the woman looked (emotionally) and I don't want that for myself.

Now, me and my bf are going to have to work through our money issues. I realize I have to back off a bit and let him deal with his stuff on his own. He knows how uptight I am about money, and I have to accept that he does things at his own pace. He isn't some guy that buys too much stuff or calls in sick all the time. So, I need to chill a bit.

I have $17 bucks in my pocket and am not feeling weird about my food budget, thought technically, I only have $25 bucks or so for food for the rest of the month after buying some needed vitamins. I am oddly not stressing about the food as I have some frozen meat and I haven't been eating as much lately either. So, I am feeling okay about it.

Yesterday was a not so good day. It started out great, and then I ended up being in a funk and stressed out about stuff said at work and then my boyfriend and I were talking and he was having some problems with his bank. I got really frustrated because he sometimes has an attitude towards business things that I don't agree with. I am a bit more uptight about things, and if I were having the problems he listed, I would be on the phone to customer service in a second! He, on the other hand, deals with it more slowly.

I worry about this because 1) I am not in the best financial shape, but I know what I did to get myself in this position, and 2) I worry that my bf will continue to be this way about money. My friends tend to trust me with their money and money related issues, as I guess they figure that I know the right thing to do, even though I don't always do it, but my boyfriend wants to do things his way and I don't think he listens to me in that regard.

We did have a discussion about marriage and money and whatnot, and he said he would be okay with my managing the money. Whew! You can't understand how much that relaxed me---I know I would feel better knowing that I had paid all of our bills online and that we had a certain amount of money for xyz, etc.

I also know that realistically it isn't any of my business how he deals with his finances. I just have a hard time keeping quiet because on one hand I know he is having difficulty and is stretched very thin financially, and on the other hand I think that if he got a bit uptight about money like me, he would still be stressed about money, but he would know how much he has at all times, avoid bank issues, etc.

Kind of stressed this morning and though it isn't in the budget, I bought myself breakfast---namely because it is more filling than my usual breakfast, and because well, I just felt like having a Sunday type breakfast on a Thursday.

Dinner went well yesterday and I have enough leftovers for lunch at work. I am thinking of the chicken in my freezer and planning out the meals for next week.

I did good at the store yesterday and spent less than $3! Woo hoo! I focused on buying the bare minimum of what was needed for dinner, namely veggies and water.

I am going to buy vitamins tonight and hope that my coupon helps significantly.