So, last night I felt like I had this wave of encouragement and enthusiasm wash over me. I was still feeling pretty upset about my recent photos---I look so unhealthy that if I could, I would just jet away to a far off land, drink tons of cucumber water, do the sauna, take long walks, and just get some much needed R&R while avoiding all matter of processed foods.

But, since that doesn't appear likely, I will have to just try and do the same thing on a much smaller scale.

I don't have much money left over for food, but I feel that with what I have in the freezer and pantry, and the food my boyfriend has been bringing home, things will be ok.

I worry alot about my bf and me. I feel torn a lot because I know he is going through so much and needs a lot of support, and I should be patient. On the other hand, I feel that we are becomming more distant and more like friends as time goes on. He says things that makes me think he wants to be with me for the long haul, but I am not sure. Maybe a vacation will be good for the both of us? It is so hard to explain when such a large chunk of a relationship has been dealing with just the normal hardships of life. I feel bad because my feelings are up and down, and his may stay consistent, and, well, I just need some us time, ya know? I worry that our relationship is built around our need for one another? But is that always a bad thing? My friends feel like I have helped him through a really rough patch, and that he probably appreciates it, and I feel like he has been the most supportive and accepting man I have ever been with. I just worry that we may not be the best husband and wife material. But I don't feel that now is the right time to make any huge decisions, ya know?

I am not sure about the vacation plans, and feel a little bad about that, as I miss the lure of traipsing over the globe. Just a few years ago I was seeing the shores of different continents, and now I am pinching every penny and have made beans a regular staple of my diet. This isn't a bad thing as I am lucky to even have beens in the first place---just makes you see where you have been, where you are, and where you want to be.

On a side note, I have hit the 100 entries mark!