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Archive for August, 2010

Simple pleasures and trying to find solace

August 18th, 2010 at 06:10 am

So, I know I haven't written in a while, and it seems like I have been on this tiny little roller coaster...maybe something akin to the swirling tea cups, but a roller coaster nonetheless.

On a good note, I met a nice person who treats me well. He is also a bit old fashioned and insists on paying for most things. I find that a bit both uncomfortable, because I am not used to it, and refreshing. I do realize that I have self-esteem issues because we have talked and I told him that I appreciate what he does for me, and he said that I say it in a way that seems as if I don't realize it is expected, or that I should be treated that way. I think that is true. It is something I need to fix within myself, I think.

The ex and I had an agreement when we were together that I would help him with some bills initially, but that he would continue with them. Lately he hasn't been working as much and has other issues and hasn't been able to pay what we agreed he would pay. I feel bad for his situation, but also mad at myself for doing something in terms of billing help that I often told friends not to do. I felt it was the right thing at the time to do, but now, because of his issues with budgeting, finances, etc., it is just making my monthly bills a bit higher. Frown Hopefully he will be able to continue paying like we agreed.

I have been trying to be resourceful as the part-time job is kaput. Frown But, I was able to help someone with the skills I have, and they were very appreciative. Yay!

I am trying to balance working a lot and under a lot of constant pressure, with trying to have some private and social time. I had a recent experience where I went to this great event about a great occasion, but felt like i was so behind and lacking that I just ended up leaving early. There are so many things I want to accomplish in my life and I just get so down and sad at times because I worry if I will be able to accomplish them. The guy I am seeing now is very nice and we get along a lot better than me and my ex. I am just not sure if he and I would be great as a couple. I know I shouldn't think that far ahead, but it feels like everyone is getting married and I just wonder if it will happen for me.

My budgeting hasn't been good. Primarily because of some extra bills and my trying to juggle everything. I know I am not as bad as I am making it sound---I have food, an apartment, clothes, etc. I just get a bit frustrated at times. I will have a major bill paid off soon, so that will help me tremendously.

Thank all of you for all of your kind words and thoughts and advice. I do appreciate it more than I can express.