I don't feel that this weekend was very relaxing at all.
Instead, I am just feeling a bit drained.
I long to go on a vacation....be able to lie in a comfy and clean bed and read and just relax...
I have been worried about the reduction in pay, and am kind of upset at myself for not taking better care of my health. if i had been smart about things, i should have bought better food when i had two jobs. I could have had lovely salads every day and dropped some of the excess weight that has been bothering me.
But now I am in a situation where I have to buy enough food for fuel, as well as enough food to deal with when i am stressing and want to eat. I want to go to a spa and get a spa treatment (never did that before) for my bday, but I really cannot afford it. I don't think i will be able to afford to do much of anything for my birthday.
My bf and I are having some issues, and it seems that when we get into arguments, he is saying more and more that we are not similar (I know this), and that he is not sure what he wants right now in his life. I do feel that I need to be with him during the ordeal he is facing. I think it would be doubly stressful for the both of us to deal with a breakup at this time. And I wonder if things are tough for us right now (no dating, etc.) because of all of the challenges he is facing and our lack of money and time to do things together. 
I know I am just whining and complaining, and it is just me venting. I know I am very blessed, and I know that my bf and I have this unique connection with each other---it is just hard right now because I want to have kids and worry that my weight or my lack of money or my uncertainty about who I will have children with will prevent me from being complete. Yes, I know that is not very modern, but I long to be a mom. To me, that is what would make my life full and complete. I want to be a mom to multiple children and right now, I am just feeling overwhelmed.
Sometimes I day dream about having enough money to have a private chef who would cook me healthy food. I love to eat veggies and certain vegetarian dishes---I just am not good at making them. So, if I had a chef who could make me heavenly food all the time, I know I would feel better, lose weight, and be overall
healthier.
My weight is also preventing me from being able to buy the kind of clothes I like that would help me to look more professional at work. I feel that my lack of good clothes and my weight and how I look makes people think less of me as a worker. Sigh.
It is just one of those days----I wish I could get a way for a week or so and go to a spa and just sleep, drink health drinks, eat veggies, do yoga, do facials and spa treatments, and just relax.
I find myself often dreaming....
September 14th, 2009 at 12:57 am
September 14th, 2009 at 03:25 am 1252898716
As for clothes. Have you tried ebay. I get a lost of nice suits size 24 there. They are professional and fit. I especially like the Lady Dobry brand. I've set up a search so that when one is listed I get an email. My favorite suitd was bought this way for 16.00.
Good Luck and keep trucking.
September 14th, 2009 at 06:49 am 1252910981
as for spas, oh how i love those. i have been a few times with different friends to a day spa, it costs $30 for use of the spa. i also love massages and facials and all that. but, it's expensive as you know. so i rarely ever go. my way to cheat is to buy (or make) bath salts, buy some coconut milk or epsom salts and have a nice long soak in the bath. maybe once a month you could devote a couple of hours to pamper/body care? soak in the tub, scrub yourself with a loofah, maybe soak your feet and buff them, paint your nails etc etc. i can guarantee you will feel much better after it, and at a fraction of the price of what it costs at a day spa.