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Where I have been and where I want to go

September 14th, 2009 at 08:25 am

Lately, I have been feeling like I am totally out of steam on most days.

I come from usually working two jobs, or going to school full time and working full time----this is a period in my life where I am only doing one thing---working, and yet, I am feeling exhausted on most days.

My apartment is a mess and I just feel out of steam when trying to clean it. I have improved a lot in that I routinely vacuum my carpet at least once per week---but I am lax in other areas like washing dishes, putting away clothes I am not currently wearing, etc.

And I just feel like I just can't relax, ya know?

Now I find myself gazing at pictures of nice houses, relaxing baths and bedrooms, and trips all over the world.

I am mad at myself because for all of the hard work I did, and all of the times I avoided having fun in my younger years (I used to try and work as much as possible on the holidays because of the overtime pay), and I don't know how much I really have to show for it, except for my education (which means a lot to me), and the trips I have been on.

I feel bad a lot now---and I really just wish I could afford a private chef who would make me spa food and cucumber drinks so I could get healthy and get my youthful glow back----the aging process is occurring and I admit that I don't like it very much. I do realize that I need to take much better care of myself.

I will start looking again for a part-time job---I think that having more money in my pocket (even if it means working more), will help to ease my stress a lot.

My bf said that he will be living with his parents more, but that he wants to give me money to help me take care of...me. Smile That is so very sweet and kind of him. We have discussed our differences, and he has been more open about stating our differences.....I love him a lot and I really wonder if I would ever meet someone as kind and caring and accepting of me as he is. So this is also stressing me out a bit.

I just want a normal life, ya know?

5 Responses to “Where I have been and where I want to go”

  1. mrs. Says:


    Here is what I've learned ... no one has a normal life. They all have their own personal trials and tribulations that they go through. I've been feeling "blah" about things, lacking passion in life. I am blessed with healthy children. I've recently learned of a family - friends of friends whose two children have been diagnosed with a fatal illness. This has been my wake up call. Time to move on and make some positive changes so you can have the life you want. Find a life coach or a mentor or a good therapist! You can do it - get out of this rut that you're in!

  2. Broken Arrow Says:

    Hmm, must be really tough to work and go to school full time. Here's to hoping for a future for us all. Smile

  3. monkeymama Says:

    I have always found one job to be very exhausting. (I personally thrive on juggling many things. Too much of one thing is just draining - maybe you are the same way).

    Another job may be good. Volunteering or helping others is always VERY good for the soul - I like that idea too.

  4. ceejay74 Says:

    I feel for you--when we get in a rut, we dream of big luxurious solutions. But little, cheap solutions are within your grasp--they're just not as appealing because they're not fancy and they require work.

    whitestripe mentioned how walking is free. So are situps and pushups and squats and lunges--four of the best weight-training exercises ever. Get going on a little exercise and you'll feel your mood lift and energy levels rise.

    Trainers and gurus are expensive, but online support is free. Try joining SparkPeople--it's an online community devoted to exercise, healthy eating and weight loss. I read their daily e-mails and I may become more active in the community next year when I'm trying to work off post-baby weight.

    Personal chefs and nutritionists are expensive, but healthy food doesn't need to be. Beans and grains bought in the bulk section are cheap, as are some veggies when in season. They are high in fiber and relatively low-calorie for the amount of nutrition and energy they give you. There are many many online recipes for healthy cheap food, and beans and grains are easy to cook once you practice a few times and get the hang of it.

    Chore charts can help when you're in a cleaning rut--it breaks up the chores into manageable chunks by day.

    Believe me, this is coming from someone whose good intentions on exercise, healthy eating and housework periodically fall by the wayside. But I never beat myself up--I just eventually get back on the horse. I figure that sporadic good behavior is better than giving up entirely, so I'll never stop giving myself fresh starts whenever I get off track.

  5. monkeymama Says:

    Walking is way under appreciated for weight loss. Good point!

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