I am sure my title is not the best example of correct grammar, but I think it has a bit of an Alice in Wonderland type of feel.......

So, my bf is doing better with his family situation. It is soooo very hard what they are experiencing right now, and I commend him for being strong through all of this. He has even asked me to help some of his family members with advice or emotional support, because I have been through the same thing they have, multiple times.

I was honest with him, and told him that I didn't have enough money to make it through the rest of this month. He seemed to get depressed. It is a weird situation because he absolutely has to pay for a family bill and the whole family is getting donations at this time to cover the bill---so the amount of money I am short for this month would be a chunk of his bill. I could see that he got frustrated because, in all actuality, the family is not sure if they will be able to pay the bill (which is in the thousands of dollars range), but it MUST be paid by a certain date. No ifs, ands, or buts. And it doesn't appear that anyone in the family has a cc to assist in the paying of this bill. At least with my bill, I can pay it next month, but I want to make sure that it doesn't show as a late payment on my credit report.

So, I thought it was important for me to tell my bf what is going on---I didn't tell him that because he didn't make the monthly payment we agreed on, that it is partly why I am short, but I think he understands. I feel bad because I feel like everyone in his family depends on him for help and assistance, and yet he isn't really always able to give the type of support they want or need. It is really difficult.

I am going to have to go into my savings. Sigh. I am hoping that I have a nice tax return next year, and that I can put that amount into savings. With the reduction in taxes, I am thinking that I may get only half of the normal amount of refund I get....and yeah, I know that the refund is giving the government an interest free loan, but to be honest, having an extra $100 bucks a month would be so tempting to me, that I would not be able to save it, the way I can save lump sums of refund monies.

I was thinking about a close friend of mine...he has helped me when I needed help, and I am paying him back (plus interest to be fair). I was thinking that he hasn't asked me to go out or do certain events, and I am thinking it is because of the price. I am always hearing of all these places he is going to, or where he is eating with friends (who also make more than I do), and they are all places I want to go, but cannot afford.

I admit that sometimes (ok, most of the time), when something is not available to me because of the price, then I sort of become anti-it. Sort of like the story of the elephant and the grapes....but I feel like it has now become a part of who I am....I really feel that even if I were making $70,000....I would not want to dine at posh restaurants, or spend excessively on designer duds. I still feel like I would want to eat in authentic dive restaurants, and revel in my trips to Walmart.

Though, if I were making even $60,000, I would soooooooooo enjoy more lattes and sightseeing excursions.