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Money and Relationships

October 5th, 2009 at 08:54 am

I have found that if I were to examine my past relationships, I feel like I always spent more money on my partner, than my partner spent on me.

I don't know how to explain this, without the potential for coming across as petty. By no means am I trying to be petty, just being honest about patterns I have noticed.

With past boyfriends, they may have made more money than I did, but I always feel like what I gave or spent, was a bigger part of my budget, then in their situation.

With my current bf, he has been kinder and nicer and has spent more on me to help me out than any other boyfriend....even boyfriends that made 3 and 4x what he makes. I find that I have spent more during our relationship, but primarily due to the expenses of extra food.

Now that my savings is super low, I find myself really, really anxious and worried. I helped my bf through a very difficult time, and I think it was appropriate for me to do so. His family was able to get through something that is, I feel, a super difficult thing to have experience. And, I am hoping that he can see that now I am the one that needs help.

I really feel like my bf doesn't understand how much food costs. I feel that I am going to really work on letting him know when I need something, rather than just trying to do everything myself. I also feel that since I have really cleaned out my fridge, he can better be able to tell that things are tough, when he sees how bare it is. I have done my budget, and if my bf pays the two bills that need to be paid, then I will still have some money left over for food. However, the food will be very tame and mild this month, as I told him I only have $100 in the budget for food, and I don't think he gets that $100 is barely enough for 2 people. I am going to try and make it work though, and it will involve a lot more cooking.

I am very anxious because I have a very hard time depending on people. Really hard. Primarily because (and I know this sounds bad), but when I was younger, there was this pattern of not being able to depend on things, so I sort of have this thing where I try to handle it all myself because I trust myself on how to do things, more than I, at times, trust others.

Yeah, I do realize that is probably something I should really evaluate.

On a positive note, I will be done paying a bill at the end of this year (woo hoo!). I also hope to be done paying my friend back money back. That will help to make my budget not short, as it is currently.

5 Responses to “Money and Relationships”

  1. miz pat Says:

    It sounds to me like you aren't really discussing this with the BF, but expecting him to think about it.

    Tell him how anxious you are, and what you need. I know its scary, but communication is key.

    Of course, I just got a divorce, so I may be the worst person in the world to advise, so think about it first.

    Take care.

  2. Broken Arrow Says:

    Hmm, that's an interesting perspective, and no, I don't think that's being petty at all. Sometimes, we sit down and calculate expenses to simply gain a better perspective, and I don't see the problem with that.

    I too tend to not want to rely on others. I think true financial security isn't possible until we achieve that, or at least try to. Relying on others should be a luxury we can afford, not a necessity we can not.

  3. thebestmeicanbe Says:

    I was feeling okay on Saturday, and then, I think because my bf and I are having relationship issues, I am becoming more anxious. Also, he is discussing things he wants to do for his family, and I want to tell him that now I need help. I think that may come across as being self-centered.

  4. CouponAddict Says:

    Been there, done that, doing that on the spend more on the significate other than they did on me.

    I am in a waiting game to do something about it but I know I am the one that has to change, I will not be able to change him. Why are you feeding the BF? Does he live with you? I guess from reading your posts I get a he stops by and raids the fridge vibe.

  5. thebestmeicanbe Says:

    No, he doesn't raid the fridge, we are cohabitating. Smile It is just that my food budget barely feeds just me (that is why I don't seem to usually stay within my budget), so it is a bit difficult to feed two on that budget (not impossible, but very strict cooking is required).

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