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Repressing One's Thoughts

October 17th, 2009 at 02:14 pm

So, today so far, has not been so good.

My bf came through and gave me the money that I asked for. The only problem came when it was time for him to give me the money, he made a comment about not expecting anything else from this check.

Now, in reality, I know he was just trying to say that he can't give any more money until he gets paid again. However, the way it came across was like I shouldn't expect anything else, and he also made a comment about us buying our own food. That upset me, because I spent so much of my money feeding US for the first half of the month, and now he is saying we just have to fend for ourselves. Sigh. He sometimes acts as if I enjoy spending money on food, and that I may be over-spending on food. He doesn't cook, so he may not know how much a week of groceries cost, even when I do super low budget, AND he doesn't take into account that when I cook, I try to make multiple portions as we both have big appetites (him in particular).

I also feel a bit weird because he said that he wanted to buy me a certain item and that we would go and do it this weekend. So, when he said what he said today, it is like he forgot what he had previously promised. And for the record, I very, very, very rarely get gifts or ask for gifts from my bf, but I have bought him things that he may have needed, from time to time.

So, needless to say I said a lot of things and probably not in the nicest tone. He, as usual, got very quiet and didn't say much, other than he is under a lot of stress and has a lot of things going on right now and that what I was saying was only adding to the stress. I tried to tell him that I don't want to be added stress, but there are things that I need. There was also the silent issue that he spent a good amount of his check on something that is more fun related. I want him to be happy and I have no say over what he buys, and I am encouraging of him taking care of himself while dealing with the stress. What he buys is his right and business. I did tell him that what I am asking for is helping the both of us, and that I haven't been spending my money on things like that. I feel like I am worrying about how to feed myself and us, and he is off buying fun things.

So, I have been doing my budget diligently, and bought a few grocery food items----thinking always of how many servings per package, how much per serving, and then calculating how I can eat so many portions as breakfast or lunch, etc. I think I can make it, but I already fear that I will have to use the little bit of available credit I have on my cc card. Also, there is the issue of how much it will cost when I see my relative later this month. Sigh.

I feel guilty for stressing out my bf, as he is going through a tremendous amount of pressure and stress right now (family member is ill), but I also feel like there are some things missing in our relationship, and I don't ask for much, really, but it just seems to be getting to a point where things aren't balanced.

This whole process makes me feel like maybe I have been too giving at times. I saw Bridezillas yesterday, and I am sorry to say, but I couldn't understand why these men were marrying these women?!? The women in the show were very bossy and nagging and I felt sorry for the guys. One bridezillas even gave her bridesmaid cough syrup without the bridesmaid knowing it (that could have been sooo bad, physical reaction wise) because she felt the bridesmaid's coughing was unwanted at the wedding. Sigh. I feel like I am helping so much, and though I don't always request flowers and candy, I do want to feel like I am special. I know that me and my bf love and care for each other, I just don't know if I should wait and see if things get better with my bf, or discuss w/ my bf if he can really handle a relationship at this time.

I thank everyone for their comments, as they really do help me. I want to also let people know that though at times my writing my seem very intense and I may seem very forlorn, this is an avenue for me to be able to express my thoughts and feelings and just, well, vent. Sometimes a good nap or a good night's sleep gives me a different perspective on things. I know that at time my entries may seem more bleak than the reality of the situation.

6 Responses to “Repressing One's Thoughts”

  1. LuxLiving Says:

    Is BF living with you? If not, I'd go about seperating all my financial dealings from his and let him get his own food period, elsewhere, away from my home.

    If he wants a date and you can, go dutch.

    I would soooooooooooo NOT be asking this person for any more money especially if he doesn't live with you. I'd just keep my money and his money out of the relationship.

  2. thebestmeicanbe Says:

    My bf lives with me and we had an agreement about how much he would contribute to the household bills when he moved in. I accepted that with his family's medical bills, that he wasn't always able to contribute what we had agreed upon. I let him know that now I am at a point where we have to stick to the agreement because I just cannot assist financially like before.

    In essence, what he gave me today was really only a portion of what was already requested from this and previous months. I was just more adamant about needing it by a certain date, w/o exceptions like before.

    Through all of this, I am being as supportive as I can, in many many ways, and sometimes I just feel a little....like we love and care for each other, but my bf doesn't think it is necessary any more to date or do special things for me. I feel bad asking for things at times, and I also feel like I don't ask for a lot, and a nice rose or candy every now and then is not a whole lot to ask for.

  3. thebestmeicanbe Says:

    Overall, I would say he is a positive thing in my life. He is also very caring and very emotionally supportive.

    Though, if he doesn't honor our agreement about splitting the bills, then that will be hard. He made it clear that he would pay what we had agreed. I think it is also that with all of the stress, that we are like two ships passing in the night at times, and that is what worries me. I can take care of myself, though I would sincerely need his help just to cover some of the basics---like money for cleaning products and stuff.

    He is a good person and I think that it may be that he just can't deal with a relationship right now. It does hurt when he says that my wanting something is an added stress.

  4. LuxLiving Says:

    I see.

  5. thriftorama Says:

    If you want to save on cleaning products, i recommend a book called Clean House Clean Planet. I use the cheap, homemade and quite lovely all purpose cleaner from that book and it costs me like 14 cents a bottle.

    Also, it doesn't sound to me like this guy has what it takes to be a fulfilling mate for life, hard times or not. He isn't acting like you guys are in it together. That may sound subtle, but it is very important. It's what separates the boys I didn't marry from the one I did. We are partners, in it together, thick or thin, no mine and yours, and no not wanting to contribute for basics while out spending on fun.

  6. LuxLiving Says:

    Try vinegar for cleaning - it's very inexpensive. Also baking soda makes a nice cheap scrub for things that need some abrasion.

    I heard of one person using car blue stuff for windshields at 99 cents for a huge jug as the refill source for their old windex bottle.

    Ammonia is also a good frugal choice for cleaning - just be sure to keep it away from any bleach products.

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