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Money and Love....Again

December 31st, 2009 at 05:39 am

So, my bf and I had a huge argument that was basically over money, but of course, there were deeper issues involved---our relationship, contributions to the household, etc.

I said some things that I think were hurtful. Some of them were truthful--as running a household takes equal input from both people, and at times, I needed more help than I think I realized. And, because of my bf's responsibilities to his family, I often felt last on his list of priorities.

My bf is not the type to argue, so our arguments really stress him, and he does not easily forget them. Also, I think our arguments are making him like me less and less. I feel so bad because I feel like maybe I haven't been as understanding as I should have, and then another part of me realizes that maybe I have been understanding, but it is hard for my bf to contribute because of the stress and things he is going through outside of our relationship.

I am sad because I think he may want to break up. Part of me thinks he deserves someone who doesn't argue as much, and is more in line with his personality. Part of me feels like he is the kindest person I have ever loved, and he has helped me more than anyone I have ever loved (family excluded). He has helped me more than my friends, etc.

It is weird because we have this really deep love for each other. At least, it feels that way to me. I feel like we love each other so much, but maybe are not compatible on some levels. In my heart, I want him to be happy, and I wonder if I am able to be that person.

We talked about things and he wants to contribute more, even if we are not living together. I told him that he doesn't have to, but he said he wants to. I feel like he really wants the best for me, and isn't that what is really important? More than if we share the same love of music or hobbies?

For 2010 I want to be better with my budget. I want to improve and take better care of the things I have (like my apartment), and I want to place a stronger emphasis on being healthy and happy.

I wish those of you who have taken the time to read my thoughts to have a healthy, happy, and safe New Year. Smile

4 Responses to “Money and Love....Again”

  1. Apprentice Bliss Hunter Says:

    Many Happy Returns from Ireland ! :-)

    I wish the best for you and your bf - he sounds like a great guy.

  2. fern Says:

    I don't think that sharing hobbies or personal interests is critical to a relationship, though it helps if you share some interests. It's not necessary to be identical, though, and in fact, your differences are often what make you interesting to the other person.

    I'm not sure I understand your relationship, ie, why would your boyfriend be contributing financially to you if you don't live together? I would find that stressful. I don't think you want him to consider you a "burden" in that way, especially if he has pressing family commitments already. Even if you've said he doesn't have to, you still may be giving off signals non-verbally that that's what you want.

    I apologize if I don't know the full situation, but I'm just responding to what you've written here.

  3. thebestmeicanbe Says:

    I think my bf wants to help me because for a many months I helped him. We did live together, and he did contribute to the household expenses, and there were times when he was not able to because of other obligations. I think he wants to help me because I helped him. I did tell him that I think it would be too hard for him to pay rent for himself and help me, but he insisted. I think he wants a change of scenery and to be by himself. I am sad because he is such a good man. It is hard to explain, but sometimes we just can't talk about any topic....that is how different we are at times. I know I should focus more on the important things, like love and encouragement, rather than our differences.

  4. Joanne Says:

    Ireally enjoy reading your blog..It is very real...I hope that you and your boyfriend can work things out..If not, maybe you can stay friendly? You both sound like caring people. Happy New Year. I also find your blog to be thoughtful...

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