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Borrow vs. Have part 2

January 23rd, 2010 at 11:42 pm

So, me and my bf talked and I realized that I had made an assumption when I wrote the prior blog. I had thought that he wasn't going to help me with a bill, which meant that the money he was giving me, was really less than what I had anticipated. But, in reality, the money he was going to give me was for part of his share of expenses, with more being given when he gets another check he is expecting, and he was also planning on giving me the money for the bill that I had paid. So, with the extra money for the bill, things aren't quite so tight as I thought.

I do have to agree with many of you. I do need to be more firm and clear about what I need. We often argue because he says I will say things one minute, and then make a completely different request later. Or that I need help, but don't tell him that until I really, really need it, and usually, I am upset or stressed at that point and it doesn't come out well.

Bf wants to give me money from an upcoming check he is expecting, and that is money just for me, and not towards his portion of the bill. He also brought me some nice treats yesterday. I do admit that when i ask him to get me something, I try to make it something that isn't expensive, because I worry about him spending too much of his money. I think I need to stop doing that. Maybe that reflects more on what I am afraid to ask for for myself?

I think, and it is hard to explain, that yes, I have not been good at asking what I really need. I need to be better with that. I often expect him to understand what I need. Or, I don't ask him for enough, things get tight, and I get stressed and we argue.

I also feel that he is working very hard at his job, just doesn't really make enough, and I do feel bad because with bills he has to pay, most of his check is gone once he gets it. Which, does occur with most of us, but I would be upset as well if I earned what he did, and found myself not really having money for things I need for myself because I have to pay bills for loved ones. I don't always agree with him doing that, but I do understand that he is at a place in his life where he feels he needs to do that in order to be a good provider for his family.

I don't want it to come across as if he isn't helping. I do need to also be clear that if I had followed my budget like I should have this month, then I would not be short money. An example would be that this morning I did my budget (expecting to get additional money from a relative), and had plenty of money to pay for things until I get my paycheck. Well, I did buy about $12 worth of stuff that was not really necessary. I didn't discuss things with my relative about the money, and felt weird about asking for help because there were a lot of people around, so I ended up not getting the help and that $12 I spent on non-needed things could have really helped with other needed things. So, to be fair, I am not as good as budgeting as I would like to be and I need to work on that.

I do think that my bf really needs to figure out his budget better, and that we should be able to talk about money and his budget without him getting upset. If the things he is experiencing weren't happening, then yeah, i would say that he doesn't like me so much. But, we have discussed the things he is going through with his family, and I see the amount of stress he is under (way worse than anything I am experiencing, so you get an idea of the image), and I just think that right now he is trying to take care of a lot of things, and doesn't have much energy left over to take care of making himself happy or the relationship. He is constantly telling me that he is dealing with things and for me to not think that it has to do with me. But, I generally think it does, and it takes me time to see the reality that it doesn't have much to do with me, but really everything he is going through.

next month, I am going to not overspend like I did this month. I am also going to take your good advice and put money aside for the necessities---sometimes I think that because the money is in my checking account, I use my atm, and then work out the budget. Not a good thing to do. I also need to follow your advice and not spend to the end of my budget, but try and leave wiggle room if possible. I also need to put myself first. When i told my bf of how I eat at times to save money, he got very upset, and wants me to focus more on myself and less on worrying about him having food. I admit that I do that at times, and that probably isn't an attractive trait, and yeah, i think it is a bit mothering. I feel that is something I need to work on myself.

I want to thank you all for your comments and advice. I do take them to heart and they do help to give me perspective. Smile

3 Responses to “Borrow vs. Have part 2”

  1. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    It might be a good idea to go back and read every blog entry you have written.

  2. Ima saver Says:

    Why do you think she should do that, Joan??

  3. thebestmeicanbe Says:

    I do realize that the past few months have been really hard budget wise. I also realize that I may be too motherly at times with my bf---both he and I don't like that, and I am working on trying to stop that. It is hard because it is in my nature.

    I also admit that I am just not budgeting as much as i should, and I do the pattern of spending or not keeping track of what I am spending in the beginning of the month, to the point that I am stressed towards the end of the month.

    I also admit that my bf does give me money, and that amount I ask for, in addition to my overspending, is probably not enough. I also don't ask him for help enough, because I worry that I am just another person asking him for something.

    I do think that without his help, the past few months would have been harder than they were. I also think that me and him need to sit down and go over the budget and we buy, even if it is uncomfortable, because then he will see how much things really cost. He thinks I buy too much fancy food, and I think I focus on buying healthy, and not prepackaged food.

    I do agree that we both need to do a lot of work on improving our communication and our situation. I also think that other issues we have are being reflected in the issue with the budget.

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