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January 24th, 2010 at 01:19 pm

I have been doing a lot of soul searching. It is true that some of the comments make me feel sad, because, I realize that the problems I have in my relationship are not all one person's fault, but a combination of the both of us.

I do admit that at times I put his needs before mine. He doesn't like that I do that, and at times, I don't know how to not do that, ya know?

It would be different if my bf made more money and spent lavishly on himself. But instead, he doesn't make a lot, and he feels obligated to help his family (which some may not agree with, but I understand that at times we all feel like we may have to help family, even when it is tough for us), and I can't go into detail about the hard times he has been through, but they are hard and my heart goes out to him. He goes without things he needs for himself in order to help his family and pay bills. And, he does give me money for rent and food and utilities. Is it always enough? No. Do I always manage my budget like I should? No. Do me and my bf need to be a lot clearer about things that are needed and our financial goals? Yes. Is it always easy to talk to him about this? No.

I do realize that I need to focus on myself more. My bf tells me this constantly, and that I should not worry about him so much. I am not sure how to go about that. Part of me feels it would be cold to be only concerned about myself. But, I also realize that when I get frustrated about things, he often isn't sure why I am frustrated because I didn't tell him until things are really tight. It also is a situation of I wait until the last minute, and he is already broke as well, so, the stress level just intensifies.

Also, I am dealing with issues of feeling like I "look poor" at work, with the anger I feel at myself for getting into the debt I am in (if it were not for the debt, I would have an extra grand, if not more, for miscellaneous expenses), AND, even though I do well with planning my budget, I continuously overspend on food and snacks. I think that all of this usually makes me end up getting so frustrated and stressed out.

I am going to work on putting my needs first, while still being a loving and supporting gf. My bf worries that I do a lot of thins for his benefit, and not for mine. How can I correct this impression?

3 Responses to “Tough”

  1. momcents Says:

    Can you approach your boyfriend and sit down together and work out a budget that works for both of you? If the two of you work together, you should be free of the burdens that are bogging you down.

    I think that you are a well-intended person who is caring and wants to do the right thing. I also think that there needs to be a better balance of speaking up for yourself.

    If you and your BF live together you should approach the living arrangement and budget together, or at least get some of the bills in his name that he is responsible for. I realize that he may have financial commitments to his family, and it is great that he is helping them out, but he should be taking care of his obligations to you first and foremost.

    I hope that you find some peace and happiness; you deserve it.

  2. pharaohsmom Says:

    You CAN put your needs first without being cold or selfish. By doing so, you will really be doing your boyfriend a favor. If you look out for yourself and your own needs, you will become less stressed. If you are happier then you will be able to support him(and I don't mean financially) and help him to be happier.
    Then both of you can sit down and get to work on your budget.

  3. ceejay74 Says:

    Some people find it helps them not overspend if they track their spending daily, either in a notebook or on their blog...

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