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Budgeting and happiness

January 29th, 2010 at 09:14 pm

Well, as the end of January nears, I can freely admit that I did not live up to my New Year's resolution. I told myself that I did not want to feel like I did last year, this year. And yet, I made the same mistakes this month as I did last month.

So, I was short a bit for this month, and I knew it, and could have bought food in a better way, and really planned out the daily necessities. I also did not make clear details with my bf about how much I needed....so I went through the negative pattern of spending my money thinking that I am going to get more on a certain day. then it was a bit less that I expected, and so I am stressing. Then, I get another amount of cash that again, I could have budgeted a bit better, and I had the weekend planned out in terms of how I would use the money. I found out that I may be getting more money today (an early paycheck), and so, I bought myself some coffee and treated myself nicely. Then, I find out that there was some issue and well, I am not getting any money. Again, i almost cried because I had gotten my hopes up about being able to afford going to an event.

Last night my bf and I had an argument, and well, he is taking some time for himself. It is such a hard time right now. I feel bad because our communication isn't so good, I have been stressed about money and that has led to a lot of our arguments. When I had more money and felt more comfortable, we rarely argued.

I am going to an event because I feel that I should, but not necessarily because I want to. There will be a lot of successful 30-somethings there, and it is a posh/upper scale type of locale. I am feeling so brow beaten and down, that all I really want to do is to climb into my bed. My bf and I talked and we agreed that we will always love each other. I am just not sure that with everything my bf is going through, that he really has time to be with me, and that we do need to work on how we talk to each other. It is just hard accepting this. I do fear being alone. Being broke and alone sucks even more.

My bf has been telling me to stop worrying about him so much. He also gave me money to buy food for myself for the weekend. He is a very good man, and I get upset at myself for not being as patient as I should.

Thank you all for listening to me tonight. It means a lot as I want to go to this event, say my hellos, and not be all teary eyed in front of a bunch of people who make me feel insecure.

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