So, I have been trying to stay focused on the reality of having significantly less debt in the next couple of years. And right now, even though I know that to be possible, I am having a hard time not giving in to despondency.
I had a situation where I asked my ex to help with a bill. He has always said and says that he wants to help me more, and that he wants me to ask him for help more. So, the bill is a bit of a bummer, so I asked him for help, but he is not earning as much as he usually does, so he isn't able to help me. Sigh. I know it is not his fault, and I also realize that it is hard for me to start feeling like I can depend on others. It is hard for me to be able to trust others in that way. I think that is why I am always a bit anxious about my life, the future, etc. I want to be able to feel like I can depend on others, but it just feels very vulnerable. I also have to accept that even though I did a lot for my ex, and will always care and love him as a person, that people have different feelings, and at some point, he may not be so concerned with how I am doing. It is hard because I know that he means well when he says he wants to be there for me, but is not always able to. I know I am a strong person, I just have that fear of being old and homeless and having to eat scraps. I know it isn't rational, but that is how I feel at times.
I know that in a few years my debt will be lower, and hopefully I will have more money from my paycheck to be able to put towards savings, etc. Trying to just stay calm while I am paying down the debt is what is hard. I overspent by about 75 bucks, and I already feel kind of uncomfortable----that is 75 dollars that could be used for food, gifts for loved ones, etc. I do like what I bought with the 75 bucks, I just need to get out of the mindset of feeling weird about not having a lot of money to spend if I wanted to. I have food and my bills for the month paid, so I shouldn't feel uncomfortable. I realize it is more mental than anything else. I am upset at myself for letting my emergency savings getting so low. Hopefully, over time, I can rebuild it.
I am also working on asking people for help when I need it. I am more of the very staunchly independent type, but I need to be able to let people know that I am human, and that their support is important to me. I think that for a couple of people in my life, my asking them for helps means a lot in terms of how our relationships were usually my helping them.
Thank you all for listening to my thoughts. Like the tide, they are sometimes cheerful and calm, and sometimes erratic and emotional.
Staying the course
July 11th, 2010 at 05:27 am
July 11th, 2010 at 12:48 pm 1278852505
What did you purchase that made you overspend by $75? Was it an unplanned expense that you had to take care of, or was it a spur of the moment splurge? You might need to take a look and rework your budget. Mine is always reworking itself, and this past week we learned that the tuition assistance we receive for our kids will be drastically reduced AND my daughters need new dance dresses. I can't complain because this is my reality, I just felt stressed about how to deal with all. Can you go through your income and expenses again and rework it?
July 11th, 2010 at 03:28 pm 1278862116
July 12th, 2010 at 01:24 am 1278897865
One thing that helped us reduce the excess spending (waste items) was to go to cash. Once the cash is gone, it is gone. Makes one make wiser choices. Just a thought ...
July 12th, 2010 at 03:44 pm 1278949441