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Love and Money....Money and Love....

May 7th, 2009 at 02:13 pm

Well, in our society, it is often that many of us confuse our self worth with money, our self worth with love, and love, well, with money.

Before anyone gets the wrong idea...let me explain.

If I love someone and care for them, I have no problem lending them money or buying them things. I worked hard for my money, and the act of lending or spending it on a person means usually that I care for them deeply.

In the dating game, I have dated men with money, and men with not so much money. I can honestly say that in relationships where the man made more money than I did, I was still the one who put more emotional and econimical effort into the relationship. And I can honestly say that I have received more emotional and caring and economical support from someone who may not make so much money.

In our society (or at least when I was growing up), there is this stigma about the man supporting the woman. I have often felt I didn't give in to that kind of thing, but well...now I am not so sure. If I become a mom, I want to be able to stay home and take care of my child(ren) for at least the first 6 months of their lives. That is a very expensive thing to do!

I don't want to argue with friends or family or loved ones about money, as well, money is very fickle.

Love is more important than money, and there is also the saying that love can't feed a hungry stomach.

How does one have a healthy relationship with money, in its relation to love and family?

5 Responses to “Love and Money....Money and Love....”

  1. Apprentice Bliss Hunter Says:

    Emmm... big question..

    Traditionally, genetically, historically since the beginning of time I think women have been attracted to SURVIVAL value in a male.

    In the Hunter Gatherer society, before "money" existed, that would mean aligning with the dominant male/best hunter. In Medieval times, that would mean marrying a chieftain. Today, that means marrying a man with a high income...

    for the very reason you outlined... to allow you stay home if you wish with the kid/s...

    It's a perfectly understandable position... if 2 men are equal in every other department, the best "earner" is more likely to give your family the security you desire..

    our instincts havn't changed that much in all those millenia !!

  2. monkeymama Says:

    I don't necessarily agree with first commenter. I was raised to be very independent. (On a forum like this I probably come across "butch", but funny thing is overall I probably couldn't be more feminine. I don't see the two as mutually exclusive - feminine and independent - as most people do. But seriously, I Was the complete opposite of tomboy as a child!). From my perspective I don't see why I would need a male to be able to take off time from work and be home from my children. My relationship with my spouse has always been rather "Equal." He stays home with the kids because he wants to, quite simply. But I know plenty of women who pulled it off without a spouse or a "high income" partner. If it's a priority you can make it work.

    Now, granted, most women have more of a desire to be home with their children, or to have children. That was simply never my thing. If so, finding a male to take care of me would have been an "easier" route. But I don't find any primal need for a strong male in my life. (More ironically my parents had a VERY traditional relationship - my mom hasn't worked since she became pregnant with me 3 decades ago).

    As far as healthy relationships, it helps to surround yourself with people who have healthy relationships with money. Easier said than done probably. My family has a very good relationship with money and I think that means I attract similar people in my life. Most of the time I feel extremely blessed to have such wonderful parents though. Some of the money issues my friends go through with immediate family members - ugh. I couldn't imagine! I don't foresee that being a problem for us (dh's family - extended and everyone - has healthy money relationships - as do mine). So yeah - I don't have an answer there!

  3. whitestripe Says:

    The same as you, I believe in children being with their parents for atleast the first year of their lives - and I don't particularly like the idea of daycare either. (I much prefer children being surrounded by family rather than strangers - but I know not all people are fortunate to have this available). But I am with monkeymama on the fact that I don't think it has to be the woman who stays home. I am more obliged to look at who makes more money. While my DF makes more money than me now, it's possible I might make more than him when we have kids. So whoever makes more money will go out and work, and the other will stay home.
    I think it's also important to have an equal and balanced view on money as your partner - but to take responsibility for your own actions too.

  4. Broken Arrow Says:

    Haha, what a wonderful and yet sensitive topic this is. So much to say about it, and yet, so... fuzzy?

    First of all, I honestly believe that if you truly care about someone, you will still care about someone regardless of how much or how little money you have. In other words, I think it's also possible for someone with little money to also love you very little, and for someone with a lot of money to love you a whole lot.

    Of course, perhaps a guy with a lot of money believes they can still win your hand through money alone, but that's sort of a separate matter of some idiotic men treating women more like trophies than people.

    Back to the matter of money, the truth is, money permeates up to just about everything else that we care about, including matters that are more important than money itself. Money is like a foundation upon that which our house stands. Most of us don't look at a house thinking, "Oooh, look at the foundation! A perfect slab of concrete!" Rather, we look at the rooms of our house and speak of what our future will look like. Perhaps here is the family room, here is the guest room, here is the baby room.

    And yet, the future still needs to rest on a solid foundation if it is to withstand the adversities that will also await us. Here's the bottom line: There ARE indeed things more important than money. Love, life, health, future, family, etc.

    However, because they are THAT important, that is all the more reason that they must be protected and nurtured by building a good financial foundation. Think about it: Just about everything that is MORE important than money actually REQUIRES money to support and maintain!

    So, that's how I see money. Not the goal in itself. No, things that are more important than money is my goal. Rather, it's the means to the goal. I don't save and invest money because I love money (well, ok, maybe I do... a little Big Grin). Rather, I save and invest money because there are things out there that is much more important to me than money.

  5. merch Says:

    I agree with BA. Money allows a few things: security and opportunity. It allows you to weather storms of unemployment, health issues, hurricanes, etc. It also allows you to pursue what you want in life and what is important to you.

    But if you aren't happy with who you are, money will not make you happy.

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