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Denial?

August 18th, 2009 at 05:53 pm

Can I be in denial?

I really feel like my boyfriend talking to this other woman is 1) emotional cheating and 2) I don't think he would have done physical cheating, and I think that there may be things that are lacking in our relationship.

He has been so kind to me and so accepting, and I just have this feeling, in some ways, that he wouldn't necessarily cheat on me, but that right now we haven't made time for each other, and he was lonely.

I guess that is me making excuses, huh?

I don't feel that he is a bad person, AND I don't condone what he did at all. I do think that he probably wanted to spend some time with someone, and I wasn't available, but it doesn't make it ok, ya know?

It is weird....I feel so much love for him and I also think that maybe we just don't have enough of what we need in a partner?

I feel bad about having this argument at this time. And I also realize that if he had not spoken to the other woman, that we wouldn't have had this argument in the first place.

I want to thank all of you for your kind words and support. I am sorry about the not being able to see the comments....if you highlight the boxes, then you can read the comments. I haven't been able to make the text color white, and not have it affect the comments section.

So, how do I remain supportive and friendly and caring, and still receive respect from him?

6 Responses to “Denial?”

  1. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:
    1250614906

    If you have already broken up, forget the "supportive and friendly and caring" for now. That doesn't mean go the opposite way, just don't go out of your way to be supportive, friendly, caring.... Do you want him not to spend time with any other women in any circumstance if you are not there, or is it more just this woman because he and/or she have interest in each other?.... Sorry, I'm not clear whether you have already broken up.

  2. mrs. Says:
    1250614939


    I think here that the key is you need to focus your energy and efforts on yourself. You are primary, the relationship is secondary. If you've got a situation where you are making excuses for someone else's behavior, then you might not be in a healthy place. Whether or not you have been available isn't a reason why he should act a certain way. What if you had been available and he still talked to the other person (and you don't know that he hasn't). You are taking WAY TOO MUCH responsibility for this - I don't want to tell you to move on - but move away for awhile. I'm sure you have a lot to offer someone and this fella might be missing that fact, or he isn't ready for something serious.

  3. Broken Arrow Says:
    1250616447

    Woah! Woah there! Is it just my imagination or is all this moving kind of fast? But then, I don't know your situation, and so I can't say.

    Another thing is that you have to talk to your boyfriend about this. Things is, not everyone sees confiding in others in a certain manner count as cheating. I mean, I agree and believe in emotional cheating as well. I'm just saying that not all guys (and some women) see it that way.

    And if I may be so bold, although I've only read the past several blog entries, it seems to me that you may be wrapped up in your own anxieties, letting them get the better of you. I mean, we don't really know what's going on until you talk to him and find out for sure.

    Either way, I do think it's best that you take the approach of getting some fresh air and take care of things for yourself. Again, if he really is cheating on you, then you are ultimately better off without him.

  4. ceejay74 Says:
    1250620267

    Whenever I hear about two people who care about each other but also have other needs that the person can't fill, I always want to talk about seeing other people but staying together. I hate to see people give up on a good relationship just because it isn't the complete solution for them. However, I know that open/multiple-person relationships have their own difficulties and that the very idea is morally repugnant to most. Hope I haven't offended by bringing it up.

  5. cassandra Says:
    1250626921

    I agree with BA.

    Have the two of you sat down and REALLY talked about this? Have the two of you discussed what you each consider cheating before this happened? Is it possible that he didn't know how much it would hurt you? That doesn't excuse what he did, but if he didn't know I would talk to him and think about giving him another chance.

    Also, try not to think about it for a few hours at least. It is pretty easy to overwhelm yourself and make the problem seem bigger than it is. Good luck with everything.

  6. cassandra Says:
    1250627327

    Oops. Went back and read a few of your other posts-you did talk about this with him before.

    I hope you can work this out. It is a hard situation to be in.

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