So, this past week was definitely a stressful one to put it mildly.
I finally got my car fixed and I am SOOO happy about that. Having a car is a really big piece of freedom in so many ways---I would not be able to save money on groceries and necessities if I did not have a car that allowed me to get from place to place.
My boyfriend and I are doing better. We still love each other and that is the important thing, and we are still helping each other and I think we will decide later if we want to get married or if we will be better as friends, ya know?
My friend is pregnant with her 2nd baby, and I am very happy for her, and also a bit sad for myself. I know that I am not ready to have a kid right now because 1) money issues, and 2) I want to be healthier before I get pregnant so I can have a better pregnancy and reduce the risk of complications and 3) I am not married and my boyfriend isn't ready for children right now. So, those are 3 really big reasons to not have a child now. But as I am creeping towards 35, I am getting really scared.
Sometimes I feel that my life is sooooo.....un-normal. Not abnormal, just not average or your run of the mill background, ya know? And while I think everything I have experienced only helps to make me a better person, I really worry if I will have a chance at being normal. I really want to just be married, have kids, and cook and take care of my family. That is normal for me, and I sometimes just don't understand it when i see other people who are maybe a bit superficial, etc., have these "normal" lives. Sometimes it just seems that things come easier for them, and when you take the fact that they aren't always the nicest people, or the most hardworking, it is a little saddening.
So, there are times when I feel a bit close to tears about the baby thing. I have a couple of years before I hit the 35, but still, I am beginning to be worried.
This week will be busy, so I am trying to focus on getting most of my cleaning done today so I can relax a bit more this week after work.
My savings is as low as it have ever been since my early 20s, and at times i am so sad I just have to laugh cause there isn't much I can do. I have been looking for part-time work, and with about 13% unemployment in my state, it is hard to find part-time work. People think it is easy, but really, it is more difficult than ever before.
Money, Love, and Babies
August 23rd, 2009 at 09:52 pm
August 24th, 2009 at 05:31 pm 1251135091
August 26th, 2009 at 03:44 am 1251258257
one thing though: you don't HAVE to be married to have a child
i hope you feel a little better about things, it's not a nice situation to be in but i hope you can make the best of it.