If you haven't seen the movie with the same title as my entry, then I whole heartedly suggest seeing it. I loved it! Love, love, loved it! 
I had a situation with a friend lately who makes a good living, but rarely will admit it. My friends and I all all think that he has to make more than we do, simply because of our profession. He is a very good person, it is just that our lives and issues and experiences with money are very different. At times, I have a hard time relating to him when he talks about budgeting. But, it may be that I just don't understand him on various levels because our lives are so different.
In any case, my friend made a comment about going to an expensive event. When he makes comments about going to those types of events or buying certain high priced items, it makes me not able to relate to him when he talks about his budget and money and all of that. I think I am not able to relate because most of my friends have worked as hard as he has, if not harder, and with all of that work, are still earning less than he is. So, I think there is just a lack of understanding about those kinds of things when he complains. Also, my friend, like another friend, says things about lacking money, but is still really into going to very current places that may not be cheap or less expensive. So, I think the event was just a reminder of our differences in some ways.
There is also the issue that both friends have a habit of receiving gifts from people, or having people spend a lot of money on them, and with my male friend, he isn't as open in that way towards his friends (or at least with me, even though I have been very open with him in that regards).
I have another friend who focuses on the price of things and feels that they deserve only the best food, etc. I understand why they feel as they do, but sometimes it is hard when you are trying to do something together, and they refuse to acknowlege your budget and would rather exclude you from a more expensive event, than take into consideration doing something that is more on your financial level.
This may just be a mini-rant because the event and the price tag just irked me a bit. My friend likes very current and popular things, and at times that goes against my feelings of being an individual and following your own music, etc.
How do you deal with friends of varying economic levels? Have you ever had similar differences?
Friends with money
March 12th, 2010 at 09:23 pm
March 12th, 2010 at 09:59 pm 1268431145
My best friend suggested we take my kids to see Cavalia (the Cirque du Solei on horses). The tickets were $90 per person. It would have cost me $540. I declined. She as a single person makes as much as my husband ($80K). We have a large family and are judicious on how we spend our money. She then went on to tell me that she knew that I took my kids to see Wicked and those tickets had to cost this much.
It irked me, because this is the person who complains she never has any money - yet buys her dog organic sweet potatoe tummy yummies and some brand of dog food that is elk. She makes comments on the tuition we spend on sending our kids to a Catholic school and the tithes we give to the church. She has finally found a religious affilitation, so I'm hoping that banter will finally ease up.
I have had to let it go in one ear and out the other, or else I'd never speak to her again. She values things other than I do (like long-term financial security and savings). She lives in the moment and takes great vacation on credit (we take them too, but we plan and save for 18-24 months for the big ones). She decided she needed a designer handbag because I have one. Does she love handbags? No. But it is a competition thing.
Be happy with who you are and what you have and let the rest worry about themselves. If there is something that you can't comfortably afford, I would decline the offer.
March 12th, 2010 at 10:00 pm 1268431240
I also wouldn't read too much into it. Some people just have very different circumstances. Through most of my 20s I Went through everyone assuming I made more than they did. Some the time I made equal (more often, I actually made less income). But due to other circumstances, I always had much more resources. Compared to my non-frugal or deep in debt friends, I didn't have any payments. I have a few uber frugal friends. I didn't make more than them. But being married meant two incomes as opposed to their one. Or I chose to live somwhere considerably cheaper, etc. The list goes on and on.
For the most part, I have friends on many different economic levels. BUT, I don't have friends who live in different "universes." I only hang around frugal/respectful people. I simply can not keep up with anyone who wants to go out every day or every weekend. IF they don't want to do some low cost activities, well, we live in different universes. I have plenty of acquaintances on other universes, but my friends respect me. Sometimes it is good just to be confident and hold your ground (as opposed to be timid and play along).
I Am forging a new relationship with a major spendthrift. But she respects me and I am giving it a whirl. (Our friendship is developing over parallels in our personal lives). I am a little wary because I can see the conflict ahead. She lives in a different universe, for sure. But, if I have to spend a fortune to be her friend, well, it won't be worth it. IF we can respect each other's differences, it will work out.
March 12th, 2010 at 11:25 pm 1268436316
March 13th, 2010 at 01:07 am 1268442427
I don't undestand why it would bother you that a person who you presume makes a good living would not want to talk about budgeting or that it would bother you. Like I said, my wealthy frugal friends are millionaires and they still talk frugal. That's how they get to be millionaires (of course being a doctor and retired military doesn't hurt).
Besides budgeting is a spending plan, maybe he is careful in some areas to be spendy in others??
By the way I saw the movie a long time ago and really liked it too. Thank goodness my friends like us because of us and not because of money issues.
March 13th, 2010 at 01:15 am 1268442925