So, I took the liberty of writing down in a clearer format how much my food expenses SHOULD cost me per month if I actually adhere to them.

Even with providing enough basic and healthy foods, my food is a little under $200 bucks, and that isn't including coffee (hey, we all have our vices, right?). I also included in that amount about $20 bucks for the rare take out meal.

I have not watched my budget this month, which is probably why I am broke right now. I am not too worried about it, because I still have to be paid for this month's part-time work, and that should be a pretty sizeable check---enough to get stuff for home and car improvements, and put a lil bit aside for savings.

I have been trying to work as hard as possible on both jobs, and just immersing myself in improving how I feel about myself and improving my abode. I have been doing pretty good on both fronts, though no weightloss this month. Oddly, due to just being tired and a crazy schedule (averaging about 60 hours per week), I ate out far too much. Even though I focused on eating healthy things, as the scale hasn't budged, it is probably the amount of calories in the pre-made food that made my weight stay stagnant. I am going to eat out less in May.

The ex and I are still working through things. It is hard because at times I feel ok, and at other times I feel like maybe I didn't do enough, or maybe I wasn't kind enough, etc. My family says I am just beating myself up, and that both me and my ex are good people, just not the right people for the both of us. Sigh. I know that it is true, but I just feel down at times.

I worry about being alone, ALOT. I think I am far more of a social/pack person than anyone would realize because I am independent and do so many things by myself. But deep down, I like to be around others, that whole pack/herd mentality I think.

I am going to stick to my budget better next month. I think I just went a bit hog crazy this month---ate out too much, bought home improvement items that I really did need (like a new mop), but never thought I had money for in the budget (oddly, a few day's worth of coffee is equal to the price of a mop...hmmm...), and spending some time with friends. I think most of the money really went to eating out, buying whatever healthy food I wanted and not focusing too much on the impact on my budget, and not keeping track of all of my expenses.

The reality is that while I am making more money, I am not making so much that I don't have to keep track of everytime I go to the grocery store, etc.

I am in a kind of a funky mood right now. I am feeling a bit irritable. Sigh. I am going to work on myself this week, hopefully lose some weight, and keep up with my home improvement projects. When I get what I want accomplished, then I may need like $500 or more to buy a new bed, repaint, and get new curtains or blinds, etc. But, I need to do sooooo much work first before I am even at that point yet.

Thank you all for letting me vent and rant. Your words and thoughts and opinions do help to keep me focused and encouraged.