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Just say no

May 26th, 2010 at 10:04 pm

My goal next month, though I already think it may not be possible, due to the paycheck schedule, is to avoid using my credit card. My part-time job has cut down on the hours, so I am already trying to figure out how I can save as much of my earnings as possible.

I did good food wise---my refrigerator is pretty well stocked on most items. Though, right now, I wish I could go out and buy some bread or something. But, I am super duper broke. Yep. And I am not going into my low, low, low emergency savings to borrow money for bread, because I overspent earlier in the month. Sigh.

So, I just have to deal with feeling a certain way when I am not able to buy that soda (which I probably don't need), or spend time with friends at an event that costs money.

I have really accepted that because of how I grew up, and how early I started working hard in my life, I have usually had a good amount of money on hand---hey, $20 bucks is super great when you are broke---you feel like you have so many options!

So, because for so many years I bought what I wanted, though never usually going to extreme, I do see that now, not being able to stop on the way home to pick up something I would like, but I don't need, is a bit, well, uncomfortable. It isn't painful, of course, but just makes me upset at myself for not budgeting well in the first place.

I am happy that I did stock up on certain food items at the beginning of the month, so even though my appetite has seriously dropped off a bit, I have food I can cook and eat if I get hungry, so I am not worried about having enough to eat. I may just have to deal with not wanting to eat what I want when I want it. I know, how quickly we become spoiled?

Also, I have long since realized that shopping, or even just browsing, helps to make me feel better. Maybe it makes me feel like I am actually worth something? I know, not a good way to think, but I am working on it.

If I manage my budget well, then I will be able to set aside some money from my part-time job. that is my goal. I want to have a lot more in savings, for when I want to buy extra healthy food, etc. I may not have enough money to go on vacation, and that is a bit of bummer.

I realized that with my ex, maybe my caring so much was a part of the problem. I think I try to take care of everything, but fail to take care of myself like I really should. I need to really just not be so consumed with trying to make sure everyone else is ok. I think the fact that I have maxed out my credit cards, even with earning more money, lets me know that I am clearly not taking care of myself.

I have been trying to make time for myself to relax and just be me and take care of me. It is helping. Now I need to work on the exercise aspect and I think I will start back at the gym. I hope it will help me with my weightloss.

Thanks to everyone who is going through a similar journey or who just doesn't mind listening to me ramble.

2 Responses to “Just say no”

  1. rob62521 Says:

    Do you have any flour in the pantry? I have an easy recipe for bread and I'm including the recipe...however I sort of get lazy every so often and don't do the towel thing -- I just let is rise in the bowl and then put it in a greased Dutch oven the next day, let it double as it rises and bake it off.

    No-knead bread

    3 cups all-purpose flour
    1/4 teaspoon instant yeast
    1 1/4 teaspoons salt
    1 5/8 water
    corn meal or wheat bran, optional

    Mix in a large bowl: combine flour, yeast, and salt. Stir in water. Don't fret over the shaggy, sticky dough.

    Rest: Cover the bowl with plastic wrap. Let dough rest at room temperature at least 12 hours, preferable 18. Dough is ready when dotted with bubbles.

    Deflate: Lightly flour a work surface and scoop dough onto it, sprinkle with a little more flour and fold it once or twice. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and let it rest for 15 minutes.

    Shape: Dust dough lightly with flour, gently and quickly shape into a ball. Coat with a cotton towel with flour, wheat bran or cornmeal. Put dough seam side down on towel and dust with more flour, bran, or cornmeal. Cover with another towel and let rise for about 2 hours. When it is ready, dough will have doubled in size and will not readily spring back when poked.

    Bake: At least half an hour before dough is ready, heat oven to 450 degrees. Put a 4-8 quart heavy covered pot (cast iron, enamel, Pyrex or ceramic) in the oven as it heats. Carefully slide pot out of the oven. Pull off the top towel. Slip a hand under the bottom towel and turn dough over into pot, seam side up. Cover pot with lid and bake 30 minutes. Remove lid and bake another 10 to 15 until beautifully browned. Cool on rack.

  2. rob62521 Says:

    Hey...I screwed up apparently...I tried to reply and include a recipe, but it cut off the top of my reply...so the recipe is above...It's not bad bread.

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