Where I live, I am surround, literally, by people who make a lot more money than I do. I am surrounded by shops that I wouldn't dream of shopping in because of their prices, and shops that I would love to shop in, if I could, but can't, because the prices are so prohibitive.
I have been thinking a lot about my relationship with money and being happy. I have been super more relaxed and happy when I had a decent amount of emergency savings. I felt more at a place where I can afford to dream about what I want in my life and what I want to accomplish, when I had more saved.
Now, I find myself growing anxious at times. I know that the finish line for paying off debt will only be maybe 2 more years, but I feel anxious nonetheless. I think about the things I want to do----fleeting away to a different city on a very much needed vacation (something I haven't been able to do because of lack of money) and just feeling carefree as I stroll down the sidewalks---to the extreme worry about having a family. If I don't get married or find a partner, then, how can I afford going to a doctor for family planning? If I don't have a good amount of savings, how can I be a single mom? Of course, I know you can make a family without a lot of money, but I don't want to make things harder for my kids, either. I know, the last thought is probably just my worries spiraling out of control, but I am just telling it like it is.
I do realize that growing up not having things makes me feel like I have this desperate feeling a lot of the time. If I don't have money in the bank, I feel weird. Anxious. Uncomfortable. I have been through much worse financial times than this, I just think that maybe I am really upset for being my age and going through this. Like, I should be more responsible with my spending. At times, it is hard me to hear others talk about not having money when they have money in their budget, every month, for things like clothes, etc. Or when they are buying big ticket electronic items for their house (not apartment). So, at times it is hard for me to relate to. Though, I know it is all my issue and not theirs. If I had more excess money after my bills, I might do the same thing.
I wonder, is being rich the finish line? Is it okay to reach a certain income and not earn more? I feel like I am ok with just being comfy---if I could have my emergency savings back, be able to buy coffee drinks when I want, be able to afford routine vacations, then I would be happy, I think.
This month I went crazy a bit on toiletries and spent like 35 bucks on them. I didn't really need them, and could have gone without. And I could have saved that 35 bucks for something else, and I would feel far more comfortable right now if I had it back. Sigh. I think when I am feeling blue, that is the hardest time for me to fight an impulse buy, though to be honest, I can walk through a store for hours and not feel bad about walking out without buying anything. I do agree that less is more at times. But I am not sure that is true when it comes to money. 
Is Being Rich the Finish Line?
June 24th, 2010 at 03:15 am
June 24th, 2010 at 04:18 am 1277353114
I sometimes feel anxious too, so you are not alone. Feeling like time is slipping away and I can't get the bills paid off fast enough or build up savings like I'd like. Then I remind myself to just enjoy each day as it comes, I'll get there eventually. I think you will too.
June 24th, 2010 at 12:45 pm 1277383546
June 24th, 2010 at 01:49 pm 1277387361
I don't care about expensive shops because I care about financial comfort far more than "being rich."
June 24th, 2010 at 02:13 pm 1277388815
The beginning somehow always seems to be the roughest, but as you continue to climb, things ease up more and more. Eventually, you may reach an altitude that's comfortable to you, and you may decide to just cruise at that level.
But yeah, when you do hit turbulence or a sudden drop, it's very anxiety-provoking indeed.